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A monologue from the play by Bara Swain
DIANE (thirties – forties)
During a sound check at a funeral, self-centered Diane expresses her concern that her marriage is over, to her cousin.
HEY, CAN SOMEBODY TURN THAT DAMNED MUSIC OFF? (Beat) Sure, sure, it’ll be over in a minute. Like stirrup pants were over in a minute.
Like scrunchies and rice necklaces were over in a minute! LIKE MY MARRIAGE WAS OVER IN A MINUTE!
All I said was, “Benji, I made dinner reservations at the Rainbow Room for our wedding anniversary next Sunday.
They’re serving chicken and truffle pot pies.” That’s his favorite, and he says, “I’ll be out of town on a business trip.”
What the f***? Insensitive, cruel, and indifferent, am I right? “You want to go away on Election Day, Benji? Bon f***ing-voyage.
You need to go on a business trip on Chinese New Year, Benji? Sayo-f***in-nara.” But this, Janet, this is our anniversary.
If that’s not sacred, what is? Oh, I know what you’re thinking. I know exactly what you’re thinking. Life is sacred. Life with a capital “L” is sacred.
And now you’re going to make me feel guilty because I’m mourning the end of my marriage while Cousin Whatever-the-Hell-His-Name-Is is lying a hundred yards away in a plain wooden box because –
and I’m not afraid to say it – because his devoted wife of more than fifty years is too cheap to buy mahogany or walnut, or pay for cable TV!
Sure, and when I see Cousin Bertha eating eggs benedict with a double side of bacon, then we can have this discussion again.
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