Detroit – Monologue (Mary)

All monologues are property and copyright of their owners. Monologues are presented on MightyActor for educational purposes only .

A monologue from the play by Lisa D’ Amour

SHARON (thirties – forties)

Sharon is ranting to her neighbors about another neighbor who’s been driving her nuts.

Kenny you are not going to believe this I am f***ing losing it do you see me I am losing it! It was the pink jogging suit lady. At our door! Only she wasn’t wearing a pink jogging suit she was wearing shorts and a blue T shirt.

And she came over to ask us politely—sort of—politely if we could keep our dog from sh*tting on her lawn. WE DON’T HAVE A DOG. And so I said to her, politely,

I said “we don’t have a dog” and she said “yes you do have a dog and it is quite fond of taking craps on my lawn.” “Quite fond.” Like slicing a razor blade across my face “quite fond”.

And I said “Lady, do you want to come in my house? We’ve got NOTHING in our house, especially a DOG. Especially we do not have a DOG.” And she said “Listen, Missy.” F***ING MISSY!

“Listen, Missy. I’ve lived in this neighborhood for 6 years, and I jog every morning. This dog appeared out of nowhere and started crapping on my lawn. I’m not asking you to get rid of it I’m just asking you to clean up his crap.”

And I practically started crying—look at me I’m crying now—and I said “Ma’am, people have accused me of many things before but they have never accused me of having a dog,

you need to investigate further you need to knock on other doors—” And she said—her voice changed and she said “Look if it craps on my lawn one more time I am calling the police”

and I said “Are you kidding? The police are going to f***ing LAUGH IN YOUR FACE if you call them about some dogsh*t.” And she said “AHA! So you DO have a DOG!” And I said

“No, no, no, no, no f***ing NO there is no dog here lady!” And she just shook her head and kind of kicked our plant and said “Ha I thought it was fake.” And turned around I mean F***. KENNY. F***. This is like F***ED UP.

Read the play here

Check out our monologue archive below for more monologues.

DEAD SPECIAL CRABS (KATHY)LAMP POST (BRITTANY)
HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES (BUNNY)LAUNDRY AND BOURBON (HATTIE)
FADE (LUCIA)THE GODDESS OF MURDEROUS RAIN (PARKER)
SEX CURVE (ROBYN)THE TUTOR (MEREDITH)
THE ELECTRIC BABY (NATALIA)A GIRLS GUIDE TO COFFEE (ALEX)
TOLSTOY IN NEW JERSEY (GLENDA)TURN! TURN! TURN! (DIANE)
A BRIGHT ROOM CALLED DAY ( ZILLAH) PAINTING CHURCHES (MAGS)
THE NORWEGIANS (BETTY)THE NORWEGIANS (BETTY – 2)
PARAFFIN (DENA)RX (ALLISON)
TAKING BACK HALLOWEEN (WITCH)PRINCIPIA (ERIS)
ACT A LADY (LORNA)ARE WE THERE YET? (AMANDA)
A TIME FOR EVERYTHING (OLIVE)VAUDEVILLE (YVETTE)
LOVE AND MARRIAGE AND ALL THAT STUFF (SHERRY)THE MOTHERFU**ER WITH THE HAT (VERONICA)
LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS (JEANETTE)CLOUD NINE (BETTY)
THE LACY PROJECT (CHARLOTTE)THE LACY PROJECT (GISELLE)
WILD WITH HAPPY (AUNT GLO – 2)YOU FOR ME FOR YOU (TIFFANY)
MORNING AFTER GRACE (ABIGAIL)STATE OF THE ART (CHLOE)
THE TINKER’S WEDDING (MARY)WATCH YOUR HEAD (ACTRESS)
DEAD AND BREATHING (VERONIKA)DETROIT ’67 (BUNNY)
LIVE BROADCAST (JANE)LUCY LOVES ME (LUCY)
ROUGH SKETCH (BARBARA)SCAB (ANIMA)
IN THE DAYLIGHT (CHARLOTTE)GOD GAVE US AUNTS (AUNT KELLY)
THE UNDERSTUDY (ROXANNE)RAT WIVES (JANET)
BUMS (EVELYN)COURTSHIP (LAURA)
DARN IT! DARLA! (PORTIA)THE LOVEBIRDS (MARNIE)
WHERE’S MY MONEY? (CELESTE)DON’T TALK TO THE ACTORS (BEATRICE)
HAPPY HOUR OUTING (JESSE)SUN DRIED (MARY LOUISE)
UNUSUAL ACTS OF DEVOTION (JOSIE)SINGLE BLACK FEMALE (SBF2)
TRANSATLANTIC (FIONA)U.S. DRAG (ALLISON)
THE OTHER GENIUS (FIONA)SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER (KATE)
BUNNY (KATIE) MY FAIR LADY (ELIZA)
IN SERVICE OF VENUS (BACK OF HOUSE)KITCHEN SINK DRAMA (JOY)
FOURTEEN (MRS. PRINGLE)SIXTY YEARS, TO LIFE (GWEN)
MONTHS ON END (HEIDI)NOVEMBER (MRS. PRIKOSOVITS)
ALL-AMERICAN (BETH)BRIDGE AND TUNNEL (NIKKI)
FABULATION, OR THE RE-EDUCATION OF UNDINE (UNDINE)POETIC LICENCE (DIANE)
A FUNNY THING HAPPENED... (KARLA)GORGONS (MILDRED)
HOMECOMING (LAUREN)LOOKING FOR NORMAL (PATTY ANN)
THE HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES (BANANAS)THE VERI**ON PLAY (CAROL)
THE BELLE OF BELMAR (LORNA)SUBURBAN NIGHTMARES (KAREN)
BOOK OF DAYS (MARTHA)CONTROL FREAKS (SISTER)
AFTER (SUSIE)ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (DOLLY)
MR. PERFECT (ZOOEY)TWO-PIECE (ELLIE)
BLACK SHEEP (ELLE)BLOWN SIDEWAYS THROUGH LIFE (CLAUDIA)
LIVE AND IN COLOR (FLOTILDA)YOO HOO AND HANK WILLIAMS (AMY)
IMMEDIATE FAMILY (NINA)JIHAD JONES AND THE KALASHNIKOV BABES (CASSANDRA)
ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL (HELEN)ALTER EGOS (LERLENE)
WILD WITH HAPPY (ADELAIDE)WILD WITH HAPPY (AUNT GLO)
YIDDISH LOVE (MRS. RATUN-SKY)ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS (CASEY)
THE SECRET OF LIFE (CARLA) THE MAN WHO LIKED D*CK (FELICITY)
SAVED OR DESTROYED (LUCILLE)THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING (PATTY)
DEAD ACCOUNTS (JENNY)DETROIT (MARY)
GOD OF CARNAGE (ANNETTE)THE FOOD CHAIN (AMANDA)
THE EXPLORERS CLUB (PHYLLIDA)TOO TOO SOLID FLESH (CHLOE)
THE FUTURE IS NOT WHAT IT WAS (GRETE)THE TIGER AMONG US (LIA)
WILLIE, THE ANGELIC CHILD (MOTHER)MINNIE AT THE SKATING RINK (MINNIE)
FLYING LEAP (AUNT CRYSTAL)ENFRASCADA (CAT)
WELCOME TO MY HEAD (ERIN)THE WHY OVERHEAD (KAREN)
FEDRA (FEDRA)MRS. GILHOOLEY’S BUNGALOO (MRS. GILHOOLEY)
THE BEARD OF AVON (ANNE)THE CRAZY TIME (KATE)
AMY AND THE ORPHANS (KATHY)ANIMAL (RACHEL)
BY FAITH ALONE (MRS. FREDERICK BELMONT-TOWERS)NO SMOKING (LADY)
THE LAST DAYS OF JUDAS ISCARIOT (SAINT MONICA)PASSIVE BELLIGERENCE (GAIL)
WASHER/DRYER (SONYA)VINO VERITAS (CLAIRE)
AND HER HAIR WENT WITH HER (KEISHA)AND HER HAIR WENT WITH HER (DENISE)
OHIO (JANICE)CHARGE (MARTHA)
THE BUTCHER OF BARABOO (GAIL)CHRISTMAS BELLES (GENEVA)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM (SARAH)
HIPPOPOTAMUS (GLORY)
REGRETS ONLY (SPENCER)BAD DATES (HALEY)
THE PROFESSION (ROSETTA)THE ROMANTIC YOUNG LADY (DONA BARBARITA)
THE HOMELESS SECRETARY (PAT)HUNGRY (BARB)
EVE’S DIARY (EVE)SCUBA LESSONS (KELLY)
MAIDS OF HONOR (IZZY)MAIDS OF HONOR (MONICA)
A LEAP YEAR LEAP (MARTHA)LUCK (MRS. FULSOM)
EVE’S DIARY (EVE 2)SIS HOPKINS’ AUDITION (SIS HOPKINS)
RADIANCE (MAY)SEED (RASHAWN)
KURU (MARY LOU)LETTICE & LOVAGE (LETTICE)
HER FIRST SCREEN TEST (GIRL)JUMP/CUT (KAREN)
GOD’S COUNTRY (ACTOR SIX)IMAGINING BRAD (DANA)
OFFICE SONATA (MARISA)PALESTRINA (BECKY)
DEMON WINE (MARY)Florida Girls (Eulene)
THE LADY WITH ALL THE ANSWERS (EPPIE)LARRY AND THE WEREWOLF (SPIKE)
LOOKING (VAL)MAKE ME A MATCH (STEVIE)
BLINK OF AN EYE (CELESTE)BELLES (PEGGY)
WHITE ELEPHANTS (GISELLE)BY THE SEA: DUSK (DANA)
MY DEAH (MY DEAH)MARTIAN GOTHIC (SONIA)
HOLD PLEASE (JESSICA)SEEING STARS IN DIXIE (MARJORIE)
SHOUT (RED GIRL)SHOUT (GREEN GIRL)
THE ALTRUISTS (SYDNEY)DOWN FOR THE COUNT (WENDY)
POST MORTEM (BETSY)

Scroll to Top