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A monologue from the play by Stephen Adly Giurgis
VERONICA (twenties)
Veronica’s boyfriend Jackie has flipped out when he discovered a man’s hat in their hotel room.
He is convinced she is having sex with the guy the hat belongs to. Veronica denies it and tries to mollify him.
Callate! Look, let’s just go there, to the pie place, and we’ll have, like, some pie, and we’ll just, like, talk, or not even talk, we’ll just eat pie first and be.
And after that, we’ll talk. You have got this wrong, Jackie.
You’re so far out of line you’re like in Zimbabwe or some sh*t, but I think maybe cooler heads could prevail on both our parts at the pie place, so let’s just go there.
I’m willing to do that.
I’m willing to put the ghetto on hold and eat some f***in’ pie with you, if you’re willing to entertain the notion that you’re a f***in’ ret*rd ex-con who almost blew it cuz you got an imagination like—
I dunno—Dr. f***in’ Seuss an sh*t. Okay? Look at me: I didn’t f*** no body. Jackie, you know how I am.
You know I’m a little f***in’ crazy just like you’re a little f***in’ crazy, and you know I’d rather spit on a nun’s c*nt than give a f***in’ inch when I been wronged.
I been wronged here. You wronged me. Really, really f***in’ badly. But I will concede to you—and it ain’t a small concession—that I love your a**.
And I’ll kick a 3-legged kitten down a flight of f***in’ stairs rather than say some sh*t like I love you. You know that.
So let’s go get some f***in’ pie before someone here says something that can’t be changed. Okay?
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