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A monologue from the play by Cayenne Douglass
WITCH (forties)
Witch is a corporate businesswoman with a soft and dorky side. She is speaking to Black Cat, Jack O’ Lantern, and Ghost.
Black Cat has just complained that he gets scared in October, which makes his back arch up involuntarily and his hair stand up…
this makes him look like one of the Halloween cut-outs. Witch responds to this with an account of her own trials and tribulations.
Talk about not having any control! It’s been a sh*t show at work! There’s a new position that opened up, one that’s above mine, and I assumed, would be asked if I wanted the job.
After all, I’m the top sales person on the team! I brought in 13 million last year! But does that matter? No!
Because they’ll always see a witch in power as a liability. So, of course, I was passed up, again. Do you know the lengths I have gone to fit in in that office?
I’ve resorted to taking the subway, when my broom would be a hell of a lot faster. I’ve stopped wearing my pointy hat because I know it makes people feel “uncomfortable”.
I’ve had wart removal surgery, dental implants, and custom-made foundation to cover my green skin, cause lord knows Sephora isn’t going to cut it.
I’ve even taken cackle reduction class to be more “woman sounding”…whatever that means… but do you know what it’s like?
What it feels like, to have to hide who you are? Every, single, time, something funny is said, I just want to erupt into what’s natural,
to be who I am, to fully express how I’m feeling, to – (She lets out an outrageous cackle.) but, nooooooo,
I’m stuck with at the water cooler every, damn, day with- (giving her version of a subdued laugh) I mean, if I wanted to,
I could turn that company upside down one incantation at a time. I could cast a spell on Bob, or Terry, or Chad, freakin’ Chad!
I could show them whose boss! But no, instead, I’ve done everything to fit the mold; all because I was under the impression that playing by the rules would get you somewhere.
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