Bums – Monologue (Evelyn)

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A monologue from the play by Robert Shaffron

EVELYN

I dont know when I stopped living my life and my life started living me. (A beat.) My mother was a Christian.

A Bible slamming, fire and brimstone, halleluhjah Christian. I remember the day — the night — of her conversion.

I was sleeping. She tore into the apartment — I slept on the couch — and she was out of breath, and her hair was,

well, some of it had slipped out from under the elastic band she always had it pulled back in.

And she ran around the room turning on all the lamps, and she turned on the light in the little half-kitchen,

and she turned on the lights in her bedroom and left the door open so the light came into the living room where I was sleeping.

I sat up, I was scratching and trying to straighten the crumpled sheets under me with my eyes closed the lights were so bright and I asked her,

“Ma why are you turning all the lights on like that it hurts my eyes.”

And she rushed over to me and she pulled me off the couch onto the floor and said, “Evelyn, were gonna get down on our knees and pray.

In the light. And were gonna pray to the Lord that we may always live in the light. The clean, pure holy light that falls down on us from the good Lord in heaven.”

We’d never prayed in our lives. I didnt even know what praying was, really. I knew people prayed in church.

I’d seen pictures of churches, and they always looked beautiful and scary with the colored lights all coming

through the stained glass windows and shiny wood benches and gigantic stone arches, and I wondered how in hell we were gonna pray in our little apartment

with the greasy walls and the chipped tile floors and bare lightbulbs — scary but not beautiful like the churches. (A beat.)

All Mother wanted was a man who wouldn*t leave her so she brought God home. And he stayed. Mother went crazy with religion.

And as soon as I was old enough, I did the only thing I could think to do. I got pregnant and left home. Amen

Read the play here Amazon|Concord Theatricals

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DEAD SPECIAL CRABS (KATHY)LAMP POST (BRITTANY)
HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES (BUNNY)LAUNDRY AND BOURBON (HATTIE)
FADE (LUCIA)THE GODDESS OF MURDEROUS RAIN (PARKER)
SEX CURVE (ROBYN)THE TUTOR (MEREDITH)
THE ELECTRIC BABY (NATALIA)A GIRLS GUIDE TO COFFEE (ALEX)
TOLSTOY IN NEW JERSEY (GLENDA)TURN! TURN! TURN! (DIANE)
A BRIGHT ROOM CALLED DAY ( ZILLAH) PAINTING CHURCHES (MAGS)
THE NORWEGIANS (BETTY)THE NORWEGIANS (BETTY – 2)
PARAFFIN (DENA)RX (ALLISON)
TAKING BACK HALLOWEEN (WITCH)PRINCIPIA (ERIS)
ACT A LADY (LORNA)ARE WE THERE YET? (AMANDA)
A TIME FOR EVERYTHING (OLIVE)VAUDEVILLE (YVETTE)
LOVE AND MARRIAGE AND ALL THAT STUFF (SHERRY)THE MOTHERFU**ER WITH THE HAT (VERONICA)
LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS (JEANETTE)CLOUD NINE (BETTY)
THE LACY PROJECT (CHARLOTTE)THE LACY PROJECT (GISELLE)
WILD WITH HAPPY (AUNT GLO – 2)YOU FOR ME FOR YOU (TIFFANY)
MORNING AFTER GRACE (ABIGAIL)STATE OF THE ART (CHLOE)
THE TINKER’S WEDDING (MARY)WATCH YOUR HEAD (ACTRESS)
DEAD AND BREATHING (VERONIKA)DETROIT ’67 (BUNNY)
LIVE BROADCAST (JANE)LUCY LOVES ME (LUCY)
ROUGH SKETCH (BARBARA)SCAB (ANIMA)
IN THE DAYLIGHT (CHARLOTTE)GOD GAVE US AUNTS (AUNT KELLY)
THE UNDERSTUDY (ROXANNE)RAT WIVES (JANET)
BUMS (EVELYN)COURTSHIP (LAURA)
DARN IT! DARLA! (PORTIA)THE LOVEBIRDS (MARNIE)
WHERE’S MY MONEY? (CELESTE)DON’T TALK TO THE ACTORS (BEATRICE)
HAPPY HOUR OUTING (JESSE)SUN DRIED (MARY LOUISE)
UNUSUAL ACTS OF DEVOTION (JOSIE)SINGLE BLACK FEMALE (SBF2)
TRANSATLANTIC (FIONA)U.S. DRAG (ALLISON)
THE OTHER GENIUS (FIONA)SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER (KATE)
BUNNY (KATIE) MY FAIR LADY (ELIZA)
IN SERVICE OF VENUS (BACK OF HOUSE)KITCHEN SINK DRAMA (JOY)
FOURTEEN (MRS. PRINGLE)SIXTY YEARS, TO LIFE (GWEN)
MONTHS ON END (HEIDI)NOVEMBER (MRS. PRIKOSOVITS)
ALL-AMERICAN (BETH)BRIDGE AND TUNNEL (NIKKI)
FABULATION, OR THE RE-EDUCATION OF UNDINE (UNDINE)POETIC LICENCE (DIANE)
A FUNNY THING HAPPENED... (KARLA)GORGONS (MILDRED)
HOMECOMING (LAUREN)LOOKING FOR NORMAL (PATTY ANN)
THE HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES (BANANAS)THE VERI**ON PLAY (CAROL)
THE BELLE OF BELMAR (LORNA)SUBURBAN NIGHTMARES (KAREN)
BOOK OF DAYS (MARTHA)CONTROL FREAKS (SISTER)
AFTER (SUSIE)ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (DOLLY)
MR. PERFECT (ZOOEY)TWO-PIECE (ELLIE)
BLACK SHEEP (ELLE)BLOWN SIDEWAYS THROUGH LIFE (CLAUDIA)
LIVE AND IN COLOR (FLOTILDA)YOO HOO AND HANK WILLIAMS (AMY)
IMMEDIATE FAMILY (NINA)JIHAD JONES AND THE KALASHNIKOV BABES (CASSANDRA)
ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL (HELEN)ALTER EGOS (LERLENE)
WILD WITH HAPPY (ADELAIDE)WILD WITH HAPPY (AUNT GLO)
YIDDISH LOVE (MRS. RATUN-SKY)ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS (CASEY)
THE SECRET OF LIFE (CARLA) THE MAN WHO LIKED D*CK (FELICITY)
SAVED OR DESTROYED (LUCILLE)THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING (PATTY)
DEAD ACCOUNTS (JENNY)DETROIT (MARY)
GOD OF CARNAGE (ANNETTE)THE FOOD CHAIN (AMANDA)
THE EXPLORERS CLUB (PHYLLIDA)TOO TOO SOLID FLESH (CHLOE)
THE FUTURE IS NOT WHAT IT WAS (GRETE)THE TIGER AMONG US (LIA)
WILLIE, THE ANGELIC CHILD (MOTHER)MINNIE AT THE SKATING RINK (MINNIE)
FLYING LEAP (AUNT CRYSTAL)ENFRASCADA (CAT)
WELCOME TO MY HEAD (ERIN)THE WHY OVERHEAD (KAREN)
FEDRA (FEDRA)MRS. GILHOOLEY’S BUNGALOO (MRS. GILHOOLEY)
THE BEARD OF AVON (ANNE)THE CRAZY TIME (KATE)
AMY AND THE ORPHANS (KATHY)ANIMAL (RACHEL)
BY FAITH ALONE (MRS. FREDERICK BELMONT-TOWERS)NO SMOKING (LADY)
THE LAST DAYS OF JUDAS ISCARIOT (SAINT MONICA)PASSIVE BELLIGERENCE (GAIL)
WASHER/DRYER (SONYA)VINO VERITAS (CLAIRE)
AND HER HAIR WENT WITH HER (KEISHA)AND HER HAIR WENT WITH HER (DENISE)
OHIO (JANICE)CHARGE (MARTHA)
THE BUTCHER OF BARABOO (GAIL)CHRISTMAS BELLES (GENEVA)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM (SARAH)
HIPPOPOTAMUS (GLORY)
REGRETS ONLY (SPENCER)BAD DATES (HALEY)
THE PROFESSION (ROSETTA)THE ROMANTIC YOUNG LADY (DONA BARBARITA)
THE HOMELESS SECRETARY (PAT)HUNGRY (BARB)
EVE’S DIARY (EVE)SCUBA LESSONS (KELLY)
MAIDS OF HONOR (IZZY)MAIDS OF HONOR (MONICA)
A LEAP YEAR LEAP (MARTHA)LUCK (MRS. FULSOM)
EVE’S DIARY (EVE 2)SIS HOPKINS’ AUDITION (SIS HOPKINS)
RADIANCE (MAY)SEED (RASHAWN)
KURU (MARY LOU)LETTICE & LOVAGE (LETTICE)
HER FIRST SCREEN TEST (GIRL)JUMP/CUT (KAREN)
GOD’S COUNTRY (ACTOR SIX)IMAGINING BRAD (DANA)
OFFICE SONATA (MARISA)PALESTRINA (BECKY)
DEMON WINE (MARY)Florida Girls (Eulene)
THE LADY WITH ALL THE ANSWERS (EPPIE)LARRY AND THE WEREWOLF (SPIKE)
LOOKING (VAL)MAKE ME A MATCH (STEVIE)
BLINK OF AN EYE (CELESTE)BELLES (PEGGY)
WHITE ELEPHANTS (GISELLE)BY THE SEA: DUSK (DANA)
MY DEAH (MY DEAH)MARTIAN GOTHIC (SONIA)
HOLD PLEASE (JESSICA)SEEING STARS IN DIXIE (MARJORIE)
SHOUT (RED GIRL)SHOUT (GREEN GIRL)
THE ALTRUISTS (SYDNEY)DOWN FOR THE COUNT (WENDY)
POST MORTEM (BETSY)

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