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A monologue from the play by Andy Chmelko
MARISA (late twenties)
Marisa is an Account Supervisor for her advertising company’s Fruity Fruit Munchies account. She has had it with her slacker assistant Martin. He has inadvertently humiliated her and horrified her clients by replacing her promotional reel with a bizarre pornographic film.
Now, Martin is subjected to the company’s unique form of punishment: having to sit there and allow a Termination Alternative Artist (TAA) to flip him off.
Here, Marisa vents her frustrations with Martin while explaining what’s in store for him if he fails to clean up his act. The TAA has a big fat middle finger in Martin’s hapless face.
First offense someone gave him the finger. Second offense two people gave him the finger. Third offense five people gave him the finger. The fourth offense resulted in his termination which if I remember correctly went something like this.
Fifty people gave him the finger while they made two phone calls: one to his parents expressing the company’s disappointment in them for raising him wrong, and another to his girlfriend to tell her that he’d been seen in a bar kissing his old high school sweetheart.
Then they took turns flicking his ears, kicking his shins, and urinating in his thermos. Next they styled his hair in a ridiculously outdated fashion and forced him to wear a T-shirt that said “Hitler Is My Homeboy.”
When it came time for him to leave they shot at him with beanbag bazookas to chase him to the elevators. Then when he got downstairs two rather large gentlemen grabbed him by the arms, led him out of a special door . . . and no one’s seen him since.
You are closely hovering around the twofinger range, Martin. I suggest you do something about it. You walk yourself downstairs to that travel agency and don’t even think about leaving until you’ve gotten my discount. Understood?