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A monologue from the play by Cusi Cram
MAY ( twenties – thirties)
May is a cocktail waitress/bookkeeper in a dive bar in Hollywood. She has been having sex with the bar’s owner, Arthur, and is threatening to quit—but not before she gets the money he owes her.
Oh Arthur, you know me so well, you’ve finally figured out my heart’s desire. After all these years of cheating together you understand what makes me tick. That’s right.
What I want more than anything in the world is to be treated worse than a dog. More than that, I want to be f***ed like a dog and told I’m a dirty little wh*re and have your fat fingers stuck up me like I’m some kind of clogged pipe.
You gonna get me my money, Arthur? So this is what’ll happen if I don’t get what’s mine. I will drive to your little bungalow in Burbank and I will park myself on that fake green lawn of yours
and I will get on all fours and pee like a dog on your f***ing cactus. And when your nice, fat wife wobbles out I will bark out every mean thing you ever said about her
and tell her about our fake plans to open up a clam shack on the beach in Malibu and how it was gonna be called “May’s” on account of how you like to yell out my name when you f*** me like a dog.
And then I’ll apologize to your wife for peeing and barking on her lawn but explain that when someone treats you like a dog long enough, you start to behave like one.