LOOKING FOR NORMAL – Monologue (Patty Ann)

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A monologue from the play by Jane Anderson


Patty Ann is a teenager, speaking in her sex-ed class. Here, she is standing in front of a medical chart showing a cutaway of the female reproductive organs.

This is what happens when the female body matures. At around age twelve — younger if you’ve been drinking milk from chemically treated cows — your glands start pumping estrogen into your body which is what makes your breasts develop and hair grow in disturbing places.

And your ovaries — which are here — get bigger and bigger and the follicles inside them start to swell until one of the pops like a water balloon and drops an egg into the fallopian tube.

In the meantime, your uterus — here — is swelling up like a big bloody sponge, getting ready for the egg to drop. And if there’s sperm in there when it happens,

the egg gets fertilized and it sticks to the lining of the uterus like a burr on a sock and there’s no frigging way you’ll ever be able to shake it off. But if you’re still a virgin, then the egg keeps going and the uterus says,

“Okay, nothing going on, don’t need this,” and it lets go of the lining and all this blood starts pouring out of your crotch along with mucous and big hunks of dead tissue.

And you have to wear a sanitary napkin so you don’t have all this stuff running down your leg and if you don’t change the napkin often enough it starts to stink like bad meat and everyone will know you’re having your period.

Along with that you can get cramps, headaches, diarrhea, hideous bloating and hundreds of pus-filled zits breaking out across your face. You can also get depressed, paranoid, and so completely strung out that you start weeping uncontrollably in public places.

Some girls love getting their periods, it’s like, “Oh, I’m a woman now, aren’t I special.” This doesn’t interest me. I wish I were a guy. When guys mature, they get muscles.

They get meaner and leaner while we get these big blobby boobs and butts that bounce around and weigh us down. I’ve been told that it’s possible to delay sexual development.

For instance, girls who are competitive gymnasts or ballet dancers don’t get their periods until they’re nineteen or twenty. Our P.E. teacher says that what happens to these girls’ bodies is abnormal. Me, I think it’s a frigging miracle.

Read the play here

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