Regrets Only – Monologue (Spencer)

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A monologue from the play by Paul Rudnick

SPENCER (a college student)

Spencer tells her parents, who are wealthy New Yorkers, that she is getting married.

Alright. Alright. I just have to say something. First of all, I am so proud to have come of age in an era when women, OK, American women, OK, privileged American women, OK,

privileged American women with great hair, can be all that they can be. And I am so grateful to all of the pioneering generations of American feminists, yes, I said the “f” word, who have marched and battled and sacrificed,

just so that I can have a seven-figure salary, an unlimited expense account and a smokin’ hot car. And I take pride in spending two days every month mentoring inner-city teenage girls,

who I teach to believe in themselves, to believe in their dreams, and when they go to McDonalds, to at least think about the salads. And I am dedicating my life to making this world a more peaceful,

a more equitable and a more compassionate place, but right at this moment I don’t really care about any of that bleedingheart, do-goody, help-the-helpless horsesh*t, and do you know why? …I’m getting married!

Read the play here

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