RAT WIVES – Monologue (Janet)

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A monologue from the play by Don Nigro

JANET (thirty two)

Janet Achurch is a tall, blond and voluptuous actor with a drinking problem.

She has just found out that her fellow actresses have been conspiring to take her part away from her and move the show (Ibsen’s Little Eyolf) to the West End for more money without her.

Janet is enraged and bitter at this betrayal and has started drinking again.

It’s theater that will kill me some day. Charles had the bright idea to take me on a grand theatrical tour of Australia, New Zealand, and Tasmania.

All the great Tasmanian theaters. He thought there must be money in it somehow. It turns out they are not particularly big on Shakespeare in Tasmania.

I was dreadfully ill, but we had to keep performing to pay our way home.

They kept me going with alcohol and morphia until we got back to England, where the doctor informed me that my problem was an addiction to alcohol and morphia.

Getting this role was such a great thing for me.

And now you’ve stolen it from me. Stabbed me in the back. Stabbed me in the front. Stabbed me in my big, fat a**.

The fact remains that I am doing the best work of my life here, in this wretched, dismal, wonderful clat-farting play,

so of course you all feel compelled to conspire with a bunch of damned men to betray me so you can get rich dragging poor old Ibsen off kicking and screaming to the West End.

We’re doing a great thing here. We’re doing Ibsen, difficult, boring, drab, cranky old Ibsen, and we’re doing it as well as anybody has ever done it in the history of the world,

and the first chance you three stupid wh*res get to cut my throat and take my part away and ruin it all, you jump at it,

so g*ddamned anxious to make yourselves slaves once again to those greedy West End bastards with money in their pockets and sh*t between their ears.

Aren’t you the least bit ashamed of yourselves?

Read the play here

Check out our monologue archive below for more monologues.

DEAD SPECIAL CRABS (KATHY)LAMP POST (BRITTANY)
HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES (BUNNY)LAUNDRY AND BOURBON (HATTIE)
FADE (LUCIA)THE GODDESS OF MURDEROUS RAIN (PARKER)
SEX CURVE (ROBYN)THE TUTOR (MEREDITH)
THE ELECTRIC BABY (NATALIA)A GIRLS GUIDE TO COFFEE (ALEX)
TOLSTOY IN NEW JERSEY (GLENDA)TURN! TURN! TURN! (DIANE)
A BRIGHT ROOM CALLED DAY ( ZILLAH) PAINTING CHURCHES (MAGS)
THE NORWEGIANS (BETTY)THE NORWEGIANS (BETTY – 2)
PARAFFIN (DENA)RX (ALLISON)
TAKING BACK HALLOWEEN (WITCH)PRINCIPIA (ERIS)
ACT A LADY (LORNA)ARE WE THERE YET? (AMANDA)
A TIME FOR EVERYTHING (OLIVE)VAUDEVILLE (YVETTE)
LOVE AND MARRIAGE AND ALL THAT STUFF (SHERRY)THE MOTHERFU**ER WITH THE HAT (VERONICA)
LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS (JEANETTE)CLOUD NINE (BETTY)
THE LACY PROJECT (CHARLOTTE)THE LACY PROJECT (GISELLE)
WILD WITH HAPPY (AUNT GLO – 2)YOU FOR ME FOR YOU (TIFFANY)
MORNING AFTER GRACE (ABIGAIL)STATE OF THE ART (CHLOE)
THE TINKER’S WEDDING (MARY)WATCH YOUR HEAD (ACTRESS)
DEAD AND BREATHING (VERONIKA)DETROIT ’67 (BUNNY)
LIVE BROADCAST (JANE)LUCY LOVES ME (LUCY)
ROUGH SKETCH (BARBARA)SCAB (ANIMA)
IN THE DAYLIGHT (CHARLOTTE)GOD GAVE US AUNTS (AUNT KELLY)
THE UNDERSTUDY (ROXANNE)RAT WIVES (JANET)
BUMS (EVELYN)COURTSHIP (LAURA)
DARN IT! DARLA! (PORTIA)THE LOVEBIRDS (MARNIE)
WHERE’S MY MONEY? (CELESTE)DON’T TALK TO THE ACTORS (BEATRICE)
HAPPY HOUR OUTING (JESSE)SUN DRIED (MARY LOUISE)
UNUSUAL ACTS OF DEVOTION (JOSIE)SINGLE BLACK FEMALE (SBF2)
TRANSATLANTIC (FIONA)U.S. DRAG (ALLISON)
THE OTHER GENIUS (FIONA)SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER (KATE)
BUNNY (KATIE) MY FAIR LADY (ELIZA)
IN SERVICE OF VENUS (BACK OF HOUSE)KITCHEN SINK DRAMA (JOY)
FOURTEEN (MRS. PRINGLE)SIXTY YEARS, TO LIFE (GWEN)
MONTHS ON END (HEIDI)NOVEMBER (MRS. PRIKOSOVITS)
ALL-AMERICAN (BETH)BRIDGE AND TUNNEL (NIKKI)
FABULATION, OR THE RE-EDUCATION OF UNDINE (UNDINE)POETIC LICENCE (DIANE)
A FUNNY THING HAPPENED... (KARLA)GORGONS (MILDRED)
HOMECOMING (LAUREN)LOOKING FOR NORMAL (PATTY ANN)
THE HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES (BANANAS)THE VERI**ON PLAY (CAROL)
THE BELLE OF BELMAR (LORNA)SUBURBAN NIGHTMARES (KAREN)
BOOK OF DAYS (MARTHA)CONTROL FREAKS (SISTER)
AFTER (SUSIE)ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (DOLLY)
MR. PERFECT (ZOOEY)TWO-PIECE (ELLIE)
BLACK SHEEP (ELLE)BLOWN SIDEWAYS THROUGH LIFE (CLAUDIA)
LIVE AND IN COLOR (FLOTILDA)YOO HOO AND HANK WILLIAMS (AMY)
IMMEDIATE FAMILY (NINA)JIHAD JONES AND THE KALASHNIKOV BABES (CASSANDRA)
ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL (HELEN)ALTER EGOS (LERLENE)
WILD WITH HAPPY (ADELAIDE)WILD WITH HAPPY (AUNT GLO)
YIDDISH LOVE (MRS. RATUN-SKY)ANTON IN SHOW BUSINESS (CASEY)
THE SECRET OF LIFE (CARLA) THE MAN WHO LIKED D*CK (FELICITY)
SAVED OR DESTROYED (LUCILLE)THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING (PATTY)
DEAD ACCOUNTS (JENNY)DETROIT (MARY)
GOD OF CARNAGE (ANNETTE)THE FOOD CHAIN (AMANDA)
THE EXPLORERS CLUB (PHYLLIDA)TOO TOO SOLID FLESH (CHLOE)
THE FUTURE IS NOT WHAT IT WAS (GRETE)THE TIGER AMONG US (LIA)
WILLIE, THE ANGELIC CHILD (MOTHER)MINNIE AT THE SKATING RINK (MINNIE)
FLYING LEAP (AUNT CRYSTAL)ENFRASCADA (CAT)
WELCOME TO MY HEAD (ERIN)THE WHY OVERHEAD (KAREN)
FEDRA (FEDRA)MRS. GILHOOLEY’S BUNGALOO (MRS. GILHOOLEY)
THE BEARD OF AVON (ANNE)THE CRAZY TIME (KATE)
AMY AND THE ORPHANS (KATHY)ANIMAL (RACHEL)
BY FAITH ALONE (MRS. FREDERICK BELMONT-TOWERS)NO SMOKING (LADY)
THE LAST DAYS OF JUDAS ISCARIOT (SAINT MONICA)PASSIVE BELLIGERENCE (GAIL)
WASHER/DRYER (SONYA)VINO VERITAS (CLAIRE)
AND HER HAIR WENT WITH HER (KEISHA)AND HER HAIR WENT WITH HER (DENISE)
OHIO (JANICE)CHARGE (MARTHA)
THE BUTCHER OF BARABOO (GAIL)CHRISTMAS BELLES (GENEVA)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM (SARAH)
HIPPOPOTAMUS (GLORY)
REGRETS ONLY (SPENCER)BAD DATES (HALEY)
THE PROFESSION (ROSETTA)THE ROMANTIC YOUNG LADY (DONA BARBARITA)
THE HOMELESS SECRETARY (PAT)HUNGRY (BARB)
EVE’S DIARY (EVE)SCUBA LESSONS (KELLY)
MAIDS OF HONOR (IZZY)MAIDS OF HONOR (MONICA)
A LEAP YEAR LEAP (MARTHA)LUCK (MRS. FULSOM)
EVE’S DIARY (EVE 2)SIS HOPKINS’ AUDITION (SIS HOPKINS)
RADIANCE (MAY)SEED (RASHAWN)
KURU (MARY LOU)LETTICE & LOVAGE (LETTICE)
HER FIRST SCREEN TEST (GIRL)JUMP/CUT (KAREN)
GOD’S COUNTRY (ACTOR SIX)IMAGINING BRAD (DANA)
OFFICE SONATA (MARISA)PALESTRINA (BECKY)
DEMON WINE (MARY)Florida Girls (Eulene)
THE LADY WITH ALL THE ANSWERS (EPPIE)LARRY AND THE WEREWOLF (SPIKE)
LOOKING (VAL)MAKE ME A MATCH (STEVIE)
BLINK OF AN EYE (CELESTE)BELLES (PEGGY)
WHITE ELEPHANTS (GISELLE)BY THE SEA: DUSK (DANA)
MY DEAH (MY DEAH)MARTIAN GOTHIC (SONIA)
HOLD PLEASE (JESSICA)SEEING STARS IN DIXIE (MARJORIE)
SHOUT (RED GIRL)SHOUT (GREEN GIRL)
THE ALTRUISTS (SYDNEY)DOWN FOR THE COUNT (WENDY)
POST MORTEM (BETSY)

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