ALTER EGOS – Monologue (Lerlene)

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A monologue from the play by Jon McGovern


Lerlene is a country-western glamour girl, in her twenties to thirties. Here, she is talking to the audience.

Ohmigod! I just had this — epiphany — I think that’s the word — it was like a flash of just knowin’ — I had to get out! So, I just ran out of my trailer fast as I could — I only took my merry-go-round handbag and my two little dogs.

I had to get out! The Bubbas were drivin’ me crazy! When I say the Bubbas I mean my boyfriend Bubba and his two kids. (Pause as the emotion builds up inside of her.)

Bubba (On the pouty verge of tears.) and Bubba — the man named his two sons the same thing — which woulda been fine if they hadn’t been twins! Oh those kids! Always wantin’ somethin’ — especially not durin’ my soap-opera slash talk-show hours!

First of all . . . (Her voice moves into her seductive range.) I’m gonna be an actress. So soap operas are like crucial actin’ lessons for me . . . (A sudden switch back to the loud Lerlene we’ve met before.) . . . and, second,

I need to see the talk shows ’cause sometimes that’s the only way I get to see my family! I mean, last week I missed my cousins BaSita and FaNita on Jerry Springer! Anyway, the main reason I left is . . . ’cause . . . well . . . (Does a Wonder Woman–style twirl.)

I’m gon’ be famous! . . . a supermodel/singer/actress — triple threat! And I need to be in a situation with a man who is going to support me in my career! ’Cause I’m on my way . . .

I’m in training, I practice like, um, runway walkin’ here in the trailer park . . . it’s like . . . watch . . . (Runs upstage and strikes her starting pose, then begins to walk.) One-two-work-b*tch one-two and look and look and look and look . . .

I do Vogue covers, it’s like . . . chick chick (She poses.) Chick chick (Another awful pose halfway between a cheerleading pose and a p*rno still.) I’m ready . . . ready to be . . . discovered.

Read the play here

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