Somebody’s Daughter – Monologue (Kate)

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A monologue from the play by Chisa Hutchinson

KATE (mid-thirties)

When a socially awkward student practically begs her for romance advice, Kate who is a guidance counselor, has to win back cool points after admitting that she met her boyfriend online.

We met online. Well. It wasn’t online dating, per se. The thing is, my youngest brother went and got himself married…and my mother called me up all smug, asking if I was going to bring a date to the wedding, knowing damn well that I wasn’t dating anybody.

Really what she wanted to know was was I going to publicly confirm all the smack she’d no doubt been talking to all our relatives. About how and why I was still single. Well, I had no intention of giving her that satisfaction.

I put an ad on Craigslist. I posted a pic so that the guys would know I wasn’t a total woofer. Not that that would’ve made a difference to most of the men who search Craigslist for dates,

(beat) You should never do that, by the way. Leave Craigslist to the pros. Anyway, I was honest about the whole thing. I said I needed a date for my brother’s wedding,

one that would shut my mother up, if only for a single night. And Reggie—that’s my boyfriend—he was the only one who responded who total­ly got it. He sent a picture of himself with this big, ridiculous, aluminum-foil covered grin—

you know how the real gangsta dudes have those grills with all the bling?—and he was doing this, like… (she poses) … cheesy hip-hop pose thing… and his message was,

“If you really want to shut her up, just let me show her my big, beautiful… smile!” (beat) Yeah. So I brought him. My mother couldn’t look me in the eye the whole day. It was awesome.

Read the play here

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