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A monologue from the play by Stefanie Zadravec
NATALIA (thirties, Romanian (heavy accent)
Natalia lives in Pittsburgh with her husband who is a Nigerian cab driver and their infant son. She has the gift of magic and has a cure for almost any illness.
In this moment, Natalia is waiting for her husband to return from work and telling the audience about her cure for insomnia.
When my husband is coming, huh? His turn to watch the baby. The boy likes his crazy stories. Is okay. I wait.
I have no troubles with sleep. Sleep, don’t sleep, I’m good. Peoples, Americans, they cannot go to sleep.
Maybe’s too much television, too much all-you-can-eat buffet? Who can say? (To audience) Anybody asleep here?
No? Not yet. Good. No snoring please. Bothers everybody. Especially the peoples with insomnia. I see this commercial, maybe you have too.
A woman, she is not sleeping, and then next day doesn’t like to hang balloon for birthday party? Guy says, Are you depressed?
Trouble sleeping? Struggles with Anxiety? I’m thinking, maybe this woman come from my country. You know Romanian people saddest people in the world. Is true.
They did study. Anyway in this commercial blue pill is floating in the television with the butterfly wings.
Happy floating pill, la la la, giving you night sweats, joint pains, suicidal thoughts and behaviors, leaking from the an*s, liver damage, addictive over time, La la la, floating in the sky.
Why peoples take this pill? You need sleep? Easy. Thirty minutes before the bedtime, eat one cookie. Just one.
(to audience member) You. I mean it, just one. And one glass of milk. Trust me. I do this my whole life, I always sleep.
Except for one time. Up all night. Lights on, lights off, twisting the sheets in bunches, making it straight, twisting it again.
Everything. Six nights, crazy like this. This the week I fall in love with my husband. He meet me, he says he never sleeping better.
(Beat) Now, where the f*** he is, I want my cookie.
Read the play here – Amazon|Dramatists Play Service
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