Kitchen Sink Drama – Monologue (Joy)

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A monologue from the play by Andrew Biss

JOY (thirties – fifties)

Judgmental and often brutally forthright, Joy doesn’t exactly live up to her name, yet somehow her self-possession, style and level-headedness lend her a certain admirable charm.

Here she has just arrived – a little later than she would have liked – at the home of her distraught sister who had recently left her a fretful message on her cell phone voicemail.

Note: An increasingly rapid-fire delivery would probably serve this monologue well.

Darling, my apologies, you must forgive me, but it’s Wednesday, as you know – the day I have to take Stephen’s brats to the park – hideous, I know, but what can you do?

And so there I am, sitting on this hideously uncomfortable wooden bench that’s covered in lichen and bird sh*t, being subjected to the most appalling high-pitched squeals and laughter

emanating from those pre-pubescent monsters from Stephen’s squalid little pre-me marriage, wondering what the hell I’d done to deserve it all, when I attempt –

in desperation to make contact with the outside world and check my messages, and wouldn’t you know it… the damned phone’s out of juice. So, then I have to drag these two creatures,

kicking and screaming needless to say, to the nearest wine bar where I can plug in and recharge – me and the bloody phone – them crying and sobbing the whole three hours, of course –

even though I’d bought them more magazines and fizzy drinks than you could possibly imagine – until I finally get a signal, got your hideous message, unloaded the brats back onto Stephen and charged over here as if my life depended on it.

So how are you, darling? Well, obviously you’re feeling completely hideous – but, I mean, other than that? Is everything all right?

Read the play here

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