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A monologue from the play by Phillip George and Peter Charles Morris
Green Girl ( twenties)
Shout! is a “bird’s-eye view” of the Swinging 60s in England. Interspersed between hit songs of the period are monologues for each of the characters, who are defined by the color of their costumes.
Here the “Green Girl” talks about the many ingeniously devious ways to dump a bloke.
(Reading magazine.) According to this survey, “73% of women experience some form of anxiety when severing relations with men.” (She laughs and tosses magazine aside.) I don’t care what the studies say, breaking up is NOT hard to do.
I do it all the time. The trick is knowing what method to use on what bloke. If ’e’s the Cambridge and Oxford type, be rational. (Sweetly.) “It’s not you, love. It’s me. You’re port wine and paté, and I’m meat pies and ale.
It would never work.” No. Don’t speak. Just go. (She speaks normally again.) See what I mean? But if ’e’s one of those East End blokes, an all-out attack works best. (Hysterical.) “You’re shagging that tart, aren’t you!
(She mimes throwing something.) Don’t you lie to me! I saw you give ’er the eye! . . . I can’t take this anymore! It’s tearing me apart!” . . . And he’s out the door before the poor blighter knows what ’it ’im. . . .
Now, breaking up with one of those sweet, sensitive chaps is a bit trickier. It’s best to just come right out with it and lie. (Melodramatic.) “The doctor says six months at most.” (She coughs.)
“It’ll be a painful, messy death. I couldn’t put you through it. Pray for me.” (She coughs him out the door.) Oh, and if ’e’s American, just get fat. ’E’ll break up with you.