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A monologue from the play by Julia Brownell
Beth Slattery is a former cheerleader and the wife and mother at the center of the play. Beth has just arrived home after making her first big sale at a new real estate job and recounts her day to her husband, Mike, an NFL football player.
She’s spent the last sixteen years of her life as a full-time wife to her husband and mom to her teenage twins, so having success on her own is exhilarating.
I sold the Ocean Parkway house! The motherf***ing big-a** loaded mansion, baby! With the motherf***ing four hundred THOUSAND dollar commission. I knew it. I knew I was good at this.
DAMN, it feels good to be good at something. I’m a breadwinner! I’m winning bread! God, I feel so amazing right now. I want a drink. Want a drink? We should have a drink. We should toast.
What did you guys get? I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t call. My boss took me out and—you know, you want them to think you don’t have a life and you don’t have kids and there’s nothing you’d rather do than work 24/7
and when you’re done working a twelve-hour day, oh, you’d like to go out for DRINKS but man oh MAN my boss was happy. And the best part is, this is just the beginning. I’m gonna get bigger and bigger listings now,
it’s what happens, you get one big sale and then they all just topple like DOMINOS. God, I have spent the last twenty YEARS feeling worthless and like such a WASTE of space and finally I feel like I accomplished something.
It feels. SO. Good. Do you want to have sex? I really want to have sex. Does it turn you on that I’m a f***ing champion? Let’s f*** all night, okay? Let’s just f*** all night and then we’ll drink some Gatorade and then we’ll f*** some more.