Shout – Monologue (Red Girl)

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A monologue from the play by Philip George and Peter Charles Morris

RED GIRL (twenties)

Shout! is a “bird’s-eye view” of the Swinging 60s in England. Interspersed between hit songs of the period are monologues for each of the characters, who are defined by the color of their costumes.

Here the “Red Girl,” something of a geek, is writing to a fan magazine about how she got all tarted up to nab a bloke named Edward.

“My Most Embarrassing Moment” by Miss X. It all started when I went to an Italian film with Edward. I was certain he had dishonorable intentions. I sat through La Dolce Vita with my arms folded across my chest so he couldn’t fondle my charlies. . . .

Well, he didn’t touch them. Never even tried. Spent the whole night goggling Anita Ekberg. . . . I decided if that’s the kind of woman men like, that’s the kind of woman I’ll be. I bought myself a blond Dynel wig and stuffed my brassiere with tissues.

I put on blue eye shadow and white lipstick. I swung my hips as I slunk my way down the King’s Road. . . . “Won’t Edward be surprised?” I thought to myself. . . . Only I was the one who got surprised. I was arrested for solicitation. . . .

When Edward saw me in the jail cell, he laughed so hard he practically peed himself. I was so embarrassed. I started crying. I had to take a tissue from my brassiere to wipe the tears.

That’s when Edward reached through the bars, touched my shoulder and said, “Don’t be a fool, love, I liked you the way you were.” That’s when I let him fondle my charlies.

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