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A monologue from the play by Carey Crim
Abigail is a widow that has recently joined an online dating service. She tells Angus, a retired lawyer whom she has picked up at his wife’s funeral, what that’s like.
Did you know that by age fifty, the number of single men to women is about equal, but by sixty, it’s a little more than two women for every one man.
By seventy, it’s four to one. My coach had me make this video for my profile.
Though I honestly don’t know when you guys have time to even glance at a video because, according to all of your profiles,
you’re out taking long walks on the beach, hiking Kilimanjaro and then jetting home to cook organic, locally sourced farm to table dinners.
Anyway, she made me redo it like nine times. I wasn’t coming across as low-maintenance enough. She said I had to be fun, flirty and warm.
Nurturing, but not overwhelming. Receptive, but not too easy to catch or else I’ll repel the illusive alpha male who is,
who are we kidding, probably out banging his thirty-five-year-old yoga instructor anyway. It’s so strange to feel invisible.
I don’t know when that happened. One day you’re walking down the street, getting annoyed by the cat calls,
and it seems like the very next day those same men
are calling you ma’am and just two days after that, some good looking guy is offering you his seat on the bus.
And it’s not because he thinks you’re pretty or, I don’t know, even pregnant. It’s because he thinks you are too old to hold yourself upright.
I may pee a little when I sneeze but I can still stand up!
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