The Drowsy Chaperone – Monologue – (Adolpho)

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A monologue from the musical by Lisa Lambert and Greg Morrison (Based on the book by Bob Martin and Don Mckellar)

Adolpho

I am Aldolpho. Yes, I am Aldolpho. Yes… What? Aldolpho a scoundrel! This is outrageous! He is saying this to peoples… to beautiful ladies, with breasts for making love.

Why, I must… I must … Yes, I must take-a this groom into my hands and kill him! Show me to this groom. Wait.

What kind of man is this groom? A big man? A burly fellow? No. No. No. Aldolpho will not fight big men –

small, pale, wheezy, little dwarf people Aldopho can (mimes kicking a ball) punt far away – but no big men!

Yes, Aldolpho is a lover of beautiful ladies. Some say I am the King of Romance.  (he gets an idea) Ahh! Through his woman!!

Aldolpho will make love to bride! That will show people Aldolpho is no scoundrel! Show me to this bride! Wait!

What kind of woman is this bride? Big woman? Burly woman? What? Pajamas? Show me to this cat in pajamas!

I will make her purrrrrr-r. Like a cat… in pajamas.

Listen to the musical

Check out our monologue archive below for more monologues.

BALD SOPRANO (MR. SMITH)	WHAT THE BUTLER SAW (Dr. RANCE)
THE SPOTTED MAN (EUGENE)	THE ACTOR’S NIGHTMARE (GEORGE)
THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (CHRIS)	ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD (ROSENCRANTZ)
THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (JONATHAN)	ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (ALAN)
THE RELEASE OF A LIVE PERFORMANCE (BRENT)	WOLF AT THE DOOR (GARTH)
THE ODD COUPLE (OSCAR 1)	ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (FRANCIS 1)
THE ODD COUPLE (OSCAR 2)	ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (FRANCIS 2)
THE COLORED MUSEUM (THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MISS ROJ)	PETER PAN GOES WRONG (CHRIS)
PETER PAN GOES WRONG (DENNIS)	PETER PAN GOES WRONG (ROBERT)
PETER PAN GOES WRONG (TREVOR)	FEIFFER'S PEOPLE (HIPPIE)
COCKEYED (PHIL)	COCKEYED (PHIL – 2)
GOD OF CARNAGE (ALAN 1)	GOD OF CARNAGE (ALAN 2)
GOD OF CARNAGE (MICHAEL)	BRIGHTON BEACH MEMORIES (EUGENE)
THE LIEUTENANT OF INISHMORE (CHRISTY)	THE LIEUTENANT OF INISHMORE (PADRAIC)
MOJO (BABY)	GOD OF CARNAGE (MICHAEL 2)
BAD HABITS (HUGH)	THE MARRIAGE OF BETTE AND BOO (FATHER DONNALLY)
I HATE HAMLET (ANDREW)	BOY'S LIFE (PHIL)
BURN THIS (PALE)	I OUGHT TO BE IN PICTURES (HERB)
LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS (BARNEY)	LAUGHING WILD (A MAN)
THE MATCHMAKER (VANDERGELDER)	THE NERD (WILLUM)
OH DAD, POOR DAD, MAMMA’S HUNG YOU IN THE CLOSET AND I’M FEELIN’ SO SAD (JONATHAN)	THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE (HARRY)
Hurt Village (Skillet)	LOOKING AGAIN (BILL)
PASTIME (CASEY)	NOISES OFF (LLOYD 1)
BRIGHTON BEACH MEMOIRS (EUGENE 2)	NOISES OFF (LLOYD 2)
IT'S ONLY A PLAY (FRANK)	SEX LIVES OF OUR PARENTS (ELLIOT)
FORTINBRAS (FORTINBRAS)	GLORIA (SHAWN)
TANGO (STROMIL)	THE VERI**ON PLAY (LARS)
SAY DE KOONING (WILLIE)	APOSIOPESIS (MARCEL)
THE HUNTER’S MOON (SHEP)	THE TWO-MAN KIDNAPPING RULE (VINCENT)
THE TIGER AMONG US (PAO)	EDDIE MUNDO EDMUNDO (NYIN)
TROPICAL HEAT (ERIC)	Codger Talk (Bob)
DONTRELL, WHO KISSED THE SEA (ROBBY)	KODACHROME (ROBERT)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (MAN IN CHAIR 1)	PETER AND THE STARCATCHER (BLACK STACHE 1)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (MAN IN CHAIR 2)	PETER AND THE STARCATCHER (BLACK STACHE 2)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (MAN IN CHAIR 3)	My Fair Lady (Mr. Higgins)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (ADOLPHO)	The Man Who Came To Dinner (Beverly)
FEIFFER’S PEOPLE (BERNARD)	THE MAN WHO MARRIED A DUMB WIFE (LEONARD)
POOR JOHN (JOHN)	THE PROFESSION (EUGENE)
ETA PHOENIX (GREG)	PYGMALION (DOOLITTLE 1)
FADING JOY (EDDIE)	PYGMALION (DOOLITTLE 2)
THE SPELLIN’ BEE	DINNER WITH FRIENDS (TOM)
EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY (ADAM 1)	SAVAA (SPERANSKY)
EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY (ADAM 2)	THE GOAL (SIR STEPHEN)
THE WORKER (MAN)	MOTHERF**ER WITH THE HAT (JACKIE)