All monologues are property and copyright of their owners. Monologues are presented on MightyActor for educational purposes only .
A monologue from the play by Richard Bean
Act 1, Scene 2
Outside the Cricketer’s Arms pub. There are tables and a dustbin. Enter Francis from the Pub Entrance.
On the pub table are some unfinished drinks. Some dregs of Guinness, white wine, red wine in a bottle, orange juice.
My father, Tommy Henshall, God rest his soul, he woulda been proud of me, what I done with my life, until today.
I used to play washboard in a skiffle band, but they went to see The Beatles last Tuesday night, and sacked me Wednesday morning.
Ironic, because I started the Beatles. I saw them in Hamburg. Rubbish. I said to that John Lennon, I said ‘John,
you’re going nowhere mate, it’s embarrassing, have you ever considered writing your own songs’.
So I’m skint, I’m busking, guitar, mouth organ on a rack, bass drum tied to me foot, and the definition of mental illness, cymbals between my knees.
So there I am, middle of Victoria Station, I’ve only been playing ten minutes, this lairy bloke comes over, he says – ‘do you do requests?’
I say ‘yes’, he says ‘I’d like you to play a song for my mother’. I said ‘no problem, where is she?’
He said ‘Tasmania’ So I nutted him. This little bloke Roscoe Crabbe seen all this and offers me a week’s work in Brighton, says he needs a bit of muscle.
I tell him this is all fat. But I need a wage, I haven’t eaten since last night. But I don’t get paid until the end of the week, and I can’t stop thinking about CHIPS.
I’m staying in a pub, and I don’t even have enough shrapnel for a PINT.
He empties all the dregs into one pint pot, picks up a tab end out and downs it in one. He looks at the dustbin. Puts a hand on the lid.
There might be a discarded bag of chips in here. No! I can’t go through the bins! Must stop thinking about CHIPS.
Come on Francis! Think about something boring, like…..Canada. He closes his eyes, concentrates. Canada!
Check out our monologue archive below for more monologues.