Brighton Beach Memoirs – Monologue (Eugene)

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A monologue from the play by Neil Simon

EUGENE

“Thats‐what‐they‐have‐gutters‐for”. . . (to audience) If my mother knew I was writing all this down, she would stuff me like one of her chickens. . .

I’d better explain what she meant by Aunt Blanches “situation” . . . You see, her husband, Uncle Dave, died six years ago from . . .

(He looks around.).., this thing. . . They never say the word. They always whisper it. It was — (He whispers. ) —

Cancer! . . . I think they’re afraid if they said it out loud, God would say, “I HEARD THAT! YOU SAID THE DREAD DISEASE!

(He points finger down.) JUST FOR THAT, I SMITE YOU DOWN WITH IT! !” … There are some things that grown‐ups just wont discuss …

For example, my grandfather. He died from — (He whispers.) —Diptheria! . . .Anyway, after Uncle Dave died, he left Aunt Blanche with no money. Not even insurance. . .

And she couldn’t support herself because she has—(He whispers.) Asthma ‐ So my big‐hearted mother insisted we take her and her kids in to live with us.

So they broke up our room into two small rooms and me and my brother Stan live on this side, and Laurie and her sister Nora live on the other side.

My father thought it would just be temporary but its been three and a half years so far and I think because of Aunt Blanches situation, my father is developing —

(He whispers.) —High blood pressure!

My cousin Laurie has a “flutter in her heart.” Because of her “condition,” I have to do twice as much work around here…

Boy, if I could just make the Yankees, Id be in St. Petersburg this winter. . . (He starts out and down the stairs.)

Her sister Nora isn’t too bad. She’s sixteen. I don’t mind her much. (He is downstairs by now.) At least she’s not too bad to look at.

(He starts taking glasses down from open cupboard.) To be absolutely honest, this is the year I started noticing girls that weren’t too bad to look at…

Nora started developing about eight months ago … I have the exact date written in my diary.

Read the play here

Check out our monologue archive below for more monologues.

BALD SOPRANO (MR. SMITH)WHAT THE BUTLER SAW (Dr. RANCE)
THE SPOTTED MAN (EUGENE)THE ACTOR’S NIGHTMARE (GEORGE)
THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (CHRIS)ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD (ROSENCRANTZ)
THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG (JONATHAN)ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (ALAN)
THE RELEASE OF A LIVE PERFORMANCE (BRENT)WOLF AT THE DOOR (GARTH)
THE ODD COUPLE (OSCAR 1)ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (FRANCIS 1)
THE ODD COUPLE (OSCAR 2)ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS (FRANCIS 2)
THE COLORED MUSEUM (THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MISS ROJ)PETER PAN GOES WRONG (CHRIS)
PETER PAN GOES WRONG (DENNIS)PETER PAN GOES WRONG (ROBERT)
PETER PAN GOES WRONG (TREVOR)FEIFFER'S PEOPLE (HIPPIE)
COCKEYED (PHIL)COCKEYED (PHIL – 2)
GOD OF CARNAGE (ALAN 1)
GOD OF CARNAGE (ALAN 2)
GOD OF CARNAGE (MICHAEL)BRIGHTON BEACH MEMORIES (EUGENE)
THE LIEUTENANT OF INISHMORE (CHRISTY)THE LIEUTENANT OF INISHMORE (PADRAIC)
MOJO (BABY)GOD OF CARNAGE (MICHAEL 2)
BAD HABITS (HUGH)THE MARRIAGE OF BETTE AND BOO (FATHER DONNALLY)
I HATE HAMLET (ANDREW) BOY'S LIFE (PHIL)
BURN THIS (PALE)I OUGHT TO BE IN PICTURES (HERB)
LAST OF THE RED HOT LOVERS (BARNEY)LAUGHING WILD (A MAN)
THE MATCHMAKER (VANDERGELDER)THE NERD (WILLUM)
OH DAD, POOR DAD, MAMMA’S HUNG YOU IN THE CLOSET AND I’M FEELIN’ SO SAD (JONATHAN)THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE (HARRY)
Hurt Village (Skillet)LOOKING AGAIN (BILL)
PASTIME (CASEY) NOISES OFF (LLOYD 1)
BRIGHTON BEACH MEMOIRS (EUGENE 2)NOISES OFF (LLOYD 2)
IT'S ONLY A PLAY (FRANK)SEX LIVES OF OUR PARENTS (ELLIOT)
FORTINBRAS (FORTINBRAS)GLORIA (SHAWN)
TANGO (STROMIL)THE VERI**ON PLAY (LARS)
SAY DE KOONING (WILLIE)APOSIOPESIS (MARCEL)
THE HUNTER’S MOON (SHEP)THE TWO-MAN KIDNAPPING RULE (VINCENT)
THE TIGER AMONG US (PAO)EDDIE MUNDO EDMUNDO (NYIN)
TROPICAL HEAT (ERIC)Codger Talk (Bob)
DONTRELL, WHO KISSED THE SEA (ROBBY)KODACHROME (ROBERT)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (MAN IN CHAIR 1)PETER AND THE STARCATCHER (BLACK STACHE 1)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (MAN IN CHAIR 2)PETER AND THE STARCATCHER (BLACK STACHE 2)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (MAN IN CHAIR 3)My Fair Lady (Mr. Higgins)
THE DROWSY CHAPERONE (ADOLPHO)The Man Who Came To Dinner (Beverly)
FEIFFER’S PEOPLE (BERNARD)THE MAN WHO MARRIED A DUMB WIFE (LEONARD)
POOR JOHN (JOHN)THE PROFESSION (EUGENE)
ETA PHOENIX (GREG)PYGMALION (DOOLITTLE 1)
FADING JOY (EDDIE)PYGMALION (DOOLITTLE 2)
THE SPELLIN’ BEE DINNER WITH FRIENDS (TOM)
EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY (ADAM 1)SAVAA (SPERANSKY)
EXTRACTS FROM ADAM’S DIARY (ADAM 2)THE GOAL (SIR STEPHEN)
THE WORKER (MAN)MOTHERF**ER WITH THE HAT (JACKIE)

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