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A monologue from the play by Michael Mitnick
Elliot
Earlier, Elliot has run into his ex-girlfriend Hannah making out with a stranger in a bar. Imbued with courage (and possibly alcohol), he calls her and asserts himself.
And when I saw you, with . . . with your arms around that . . . guy, I wanted to kill myself. God, Hannah, I mean, he wasn’t even that attractive.
I could only see the back of his head, but I’ve seen better backs of heads. Still, guess what, Hannah? Guess what?
You make this really annoying noise when you lick yogurt off a spoon. (He imitates the sound four or five times.)
You broke my heart . . . . Hey ya know what, Hannah . . . I hate that dumb tattoo you got on your right shoulder. ‘A for Anarchy.’
I know I told you it was cool, but it’s actually really friggin stupid. What kind of anarchist makes custom jewelry?
You went to Mt. Holyoke for Christ’s sake. Your Dad pays your VISA. But what I’m calling to say is . . . Hannah . . .
(heartfelt—he realizes it himself) Someone can like me. Someone can find me attractive. Someone can actually want to be with me.
It doesn’t always have to be the other way around. (remembering why he was placing the call)
So . . . in conclusion, bend over, f*** yourself in the d*ck and I wish you my best. My number’s the same if you want to call me back. (Elliott ends the call and smiles.)
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