29 Comedic Monologues for Women

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In this blog post, you’ll find the funniest comedic monologues for women. We have divided them into three categories: contemporary, classical, and from movies. Each category has its own list of monologues that are guaranteed to make you laugh.

All of these monologues are hilarious, and we wish you the best of luck practicing them without bursting into laughter. You can also explore our monologue collection table for even more pieces which can be found below.

Note: If you’re a teen, we have plenty of articles and other resources (inside the table👇) tailored just for you.



10 Best Contemporary Comedic Monologues For Women From Plays

1. A Bright Room Called Day

A monologue from the play by Tony Kushner

Length : More than 1 minute.

What’s it about ? – Zillah, fueled by anger, writes scathing daily letters to the President she knows he’ll never read. In a darkly comic fantasy, she believes the negativity will “poison” anyone who handles them, eventually infecting the President himself through handshakes. This is her way of striking back, a war of words against a seemingly untouchable figure. Despite the futility, Zillah’s determination is unwavering, fueled by a cause she considers far more important than money.

2. Last Of The Red Hot Lovers

A monologue from the play by Neil Simon

Length: Less than 1 minute.

What’s it about ? – This monologue is a hilarious rant by a woman named Jeanette who just discovered her husband’s infidelity. It’s a mix of outrage, resignation, and dark humor.

3. Painting Churches

A monologue from the play by Tina Howe

Length: More than 1 minute.

What’s it about ? – A bittersweet memory surfaces. Mags, with a voice laced with nostalgia, recounts a childhood rebellion. Wide-eyed wonder ignites as she discovers the magic of melting crayons on a hot radiator – the heat, the scent, the vibrant transformation. This sparks a ferocious creativity. Burning fingers and hidden hunger (revealed by her shrinking form and stray wrappers) fuel her creation of a “spectacular” artwork, a testament to her unbridled spirit. Yet, her parents see only “rotting garbage.” This clash exposes a deep disconnect, leaving a bittersweet aftertaste – artistic defiance, hilariously misinterpreted.

4. In The Daylight

A monologue from the play by Tony Glazer

Length: 1 minute.

What’s it about ? – Charlotte takes a deep breath, steeling herself for a family showdown in New Jersey. It turns out Scarlet, fueled by a psychic’s questionable advice about past lives, used Charlotte’s credit card to buy a small mountain of colored rocks. While the situation is equal parts frustrating and hilarious (who knew a George Foreman grill could be a reincarnated baby?), Charlotte swallows her anger. Family comes first, even the ones who believe they were once pebbles. With a touch of exasperation and a hopeful smile, Charlotte chooses diplomacy over drama, ready to handle this like a sister, because let’s face it, in the end, all you really have are your (slightly kooky) relatives.

5. Cloud Nine

A monologue from the play by Caryl Churchill

Length: Less than 1 minute.

What’s it about ? – This monologue is a hilarious and thought-provoking look at female sexuality through the lens of Betty, a woman who rediscovers self-pleasure after years of repression. We hear about her childhood shame and her initial worries that she’s the only one who enjoys sex. Betty’s journey is both relatable and laugh-out-loud funny as she grapples with societal expectations, her mother’s disapproval, and her own awakening desire.

Packs a punch with its dark humor and emotional honesty.

6. God Gave Us Aunts

A monologue from the play by Idris Goodwin

Length: More than 1 minute.

What’s it about ? – This monologue is a sassy and brutally honest coming-of-age lesson from Aunt Kelly to her young niece. Funny and full of tough love, Aunt Kelly shares a secret list of life truths her sheltered sister won’t tell her niece. From the harsh realities of relationships to the importance of self-reliance, Aunt Kelly aims to prepare her niece for the world in a way her parents can’t.

7. Unusual Acts Of Devotion

A monologue from the play by Terrence McNally

Length: About 1 minute.

What’s it about? – Josie, tipsy and cynical, celebrates sleep – the ultimate escape with no pressure to perform, not even in bed! “Sleep,” she declares, “is like death practice, only not permanent.” But then reality bites – “the same old ship… I mean, ugh, crap!” Wine loosens Josie’s lips, and she admits to lewd things (details delightfully vague). Love confessions are met with a “yeah, yeah,” and music selection becomes a hilarious existential crisis. The city’s symphony of honks and sirens? Now that’s entertainment!

The humor comes from her dark wit, unexpected turns of phrase (“sleep is a lovely practice for death”), and the sheer absurdity of some of her complaints (music selection leading to an existential crisis).

8. Single Black Female

A monologue from the book/play by Lisa B. Thompson

Length: About 1 minute

What’s it about? – SBF2, a sassy and confident lawyer, hilariously complains about a recurring enemy: yeast infections! She hates the impersonal doctor’s visits, especially at the not-so-fancy clinic in college. Annoyed by women who claim they’ve never had one, she declares yeast infections a universal sisterhood pain (unlike cramps, apparently). This particular yeast infection, however, demands stronger medicine than the usual drugstore remedy.

9. Bunny

A monologue from the play by Jack Thorne

Length: Less than 3 minutes.

What’s it about? – Katie, a quirky and self-aware young woman, delivers a hilarious monologue about the constant struggle to fit in. She starts with a story about her former friend Sheridan, a bulimic with an oddly endearing love of food. Katie, despite admitting they weren’t the closest, finds humor in Sheridan’s enthusiastic gratitude for every bite. Katie then tackles the epic fail of her 18th birthday party. Imagine inviting 25 “important” people and everyone leaving at 10:30 pm! Her attempt to explain the awkward exodus to her parents is pure comedic gold, especially when she blames the lack of “Ann Summers’ toys” (adult novelty store) for the party’s demise. A dash of revenge humor follows as Katie details her petty theft of her mother’s wallet and the hilariously anticlimactic return. The monologue ends with a deadpan delivery about her boyfriend skipping the party and their subsequent sex life, leaving the audience both amused and wanting more.

10. My Fair Lady

A monologue from the book by Alan Jay Lerner (Based on the play Pygmalion, by George Bernard Shaw

Length: Less than a minute

What’s it about? – Eliza, a streetwise flower girl with a sharp tongue, delivers a hilarious monologue full of dark humor. She casts a suspicious eye on her aunt’s supposed death from influenza, hinting foul play and a stolen inheritance. Through her colorful descriptions and witty remarks, Eliza paints a picture of a dysfunctional family and raises questions about the true cause of her aunt’s demise.

9 Best Classical Comedic Monologues For Women From Plays

1. The Dutch Courtesan

A monologue from the play by John Marston

Length: About a minute

What’s it about? – Crispiana, a witty and independent woman, delivers a hilarious and cynical rant against marriage in this monologue.

Crispina compares husbands to a losing lottery ticket – most are worthless, and finding a good one is rare. She uses a coral metaphor – soft and pliable underwater (courtship), but hard and inflexible above (marriage). Men become controlling tyrants after they get married, offering less affection as you try to hold onto them. Crispina declares her preference for single life, even if it means being a “wag” (a mischievous person) rather than a fool (someone easily manipulated by a husband). She scoffs at the idea of a “virtuous marriage,” claiming virtue and marriage are as unrelated as a man and his horse (they can exist independently). However, Crispiana approves of her sister’s upcoming marriage, praising the groom’s looks and personality (except for his stooping shoulders).

2. The Importance Of Being Earnest

A monologue from the play by Oscar Wilde

Length: about a minute.

What’s it about? –Lady Bracknell’s monologue in Act 3, Scene 1 of “The Importance of Being Earnest” is a masterclass in comedic superiority.

She drolly scoffs at Mr. Bunbury’s indecisiveness about being sick or well. She dismisses modern sympathy for the ill, calling it morbid. Despite her disapproval of illness, she politely strong-arms Algernon to keep Mr. Bunbury healthy on Saturday – after all, her music reception needs arranging!

3. The Lying Valet

A monologue from the play by David Garrick

Length: Less than 1 minute

What’s it about? – Kitty, a sharp-tongued maid, offers a cynical take on love and money in this witty monologue. She mocks women who prioritize love over wealth, particularly her mistress who seems ready to throw away a fortune on a charming but poor man like Gayless. Kitty compares love’s influence to a strong drink that clouds judgment, leading women to make foolish choices. In her view, financial security trumps fleeting emotions. She advises women to choose a wealthy husband – even if his love fades, his money will always provide comfort.

This short monologue is a funny reminder of the clash between love and practicality.

4. She Stoops To Conquer

A monologue from the play by Oliver Goldsmith

Length: less than 1 minute

What’s it about? – Miss Hardcastle, a spirited young woman, grapples with her feelings for a potential suitor in this monologue. While she acknowledges the saying about reserved lovers becoming suspicious husbands, she frankly doesn’t care.

Looks and charm trump “sensible” qualities in her book.

Although his shyness initially gives her pause, she playfully considers “curing” him of his timidity. With a touch of humor, Miss Hardcastle admits to getting a bit ahead of herself, planning how to change her husband before he’s even her fiancé.

This short monologue, reveals Miss Hardcastle’s wit, her desire for an exciting romance + comedy and a hint of mischievousness.

5. A Chaste Maid In Cheapside

A monologue from the play by Thomas Middleton

Length: about a minute long

What’s it about? – This classic comedic monologue from “A Chaste Maid In Cheapside” transformed into a short, humorous monologue suitable for performance features Maudlin, a boisterous woman overflowing with life, who scolds her niece for being a dull and lifeless young woman, hilariously prescribing a husband and criticizing her dancing skills with colorful comparisons.

6. Agafya (Marriage)

A monologue from the play by Nikolai Gogol

Length: less than 2 minutes

What’s it about? – In this hilarious monologue from Nikolai Gogol’s play “The Marriage,” Agafya, overwhelmed by a surplus of suitors, frets about choosing a husband. She imagines the perfect man as a Frankensteinian combination of her suitors’ best features, leading to a desperate attempt to pick a winner through a random draw that goes hilariously awry.

7. Mirandolina, Mirandolina

A monologue from the play by Carlo Goldoni

Length: Less than 1 minute

What’s it about? – Mirandolina, the witty owner of an inn, delivers a hilarious monologue in this excerpt from “Mirandolina.”

She scoffs at the idea of marrying the miserly Marquis Skinflint, exaggerating the number of men who’ve proposed to her with a touch of sarcasm. Mirandolina finds humor in how men who stay at her inn all seem to fall for her instantly, except for the arrogant Baron. His rudeness sparks indignation in her – no other guest has dared to treat her so poorly. However, Mirandolina’s initial annoyance quickly turns into a playful challenge. She’s intrigued by the Baron’s resistance to women and hints that he hasn’t met someone like her who can “set about him,” implying she can charm him despite his dislike for the female sex.

This short classic comedic monologue is an example of Mirandolina’s confidence, her ability to manipulate men, and her delight in a good challenge.

8. Moll: The Roaring Girl

A monologue from the play by Thomas Middleton and Thomas Dekker

Length: Less than 2 minutes

What’s it about? –Moll, a fierce woman from “Moll: The Roaring Girl,” explodes in this monologue. She rejects the idea that men can view all women as easy conquests. Moll angrily criticizes men who gossip and assume friendliness means a woman is loose. She defends women whose reputations are unfairly ruined by such talk. Moll declares her defiance against men, both their cruelty and their manipulative flattery. She sees these tactics as tools to prey on vulnerable women.

Moll, strong and independent, questions why she’s seen as a target. She delivers a final message: she’d never give in to a man, but rather control him. This powerful and funny monologue highlights Moll’s anger at being misjudged and her desire to defend herself and all women.

9. The Beggar’s Opera

A monologue from the play by John Gay

Length: 1 minute.

What’s it about? – Mrs. Peachum’s furious monologue in “The Beggar’s Opera” uses dark humor to mock Polly’s romantic choice, exaggerate the perils of marriage, and expose the hypocrisy of social classes.

Mrs. Peachum mocks Polly’s desire for a fancy life, scoffing at the idea that marriage is anything but financial hardship and marital squabbles. She questions Polly’s ability to support a husband with expensive vices and implies Polly will be just as neglected by Macheath as by any other man.

10 Best Comedic Monologues For Women From Movies

1. Bridesmaids

A monologue from the screenplay by Annie Mumolo and Kristen Wiig

Length: less than 2 minutes

What’s it about? – This monologue is a hilarious meltdown from Annie, a bridesmaid on the verge of a breakdown. She’s fuming mad about her friend Lillian’s upcoming wedding, and it’s all coming out in a jealous, sugar-crazed frenzy.

2. Harold And Maude

A monologue from the screen play by Colin Higgins

Length : 1 minute

What’s it about?- This monologue is a darkly funny fight between Harold and his mom.

Mom uses a personality test to control him, filling in answers that mock his introverted nature and Harold silently rebels with gestures like pointing a gun or creating humor from the absurdity.

3. Adam’s Family Values

A monologue from the screenplay by Paul Rudnick

Length: about a minute

What’s it about? – Debbie Jellinsky isn’t your Cruella de Vil. No bloodlust, just a firm belief in persuasion (and slides, apparently). A childhood betrayal with a Barbie fuels her dark path. Ballerina dreams dashed by a Malibu monstrosity? Parents had to go.

Fast forward: a heart surgeon husband obsessed with scalpel duty, a senator prioritizing budgets over Benzes. All roadblocks on Debbie’s path to love, loot, and happily ever after. The Addamses offered a glimmer of hope, but true love remained elusive.

So, Debbie did what any desperate, materialistic black widow would do: “persuaded” them to see things her way. With a chilling goodbye and a final plea for bling, Debbie seals her fate, leaving us both horrified and strangely tickled by her twisted take on happily ever after.

4. Juno

A monologue from the screenplay by Diablo Cody

Length: about a minute

What’s it about? – Juno explodes at Paulie in a jealous rage, all while pretending she’s perfectly fine. She throws shade at Paulie’s date, Katrina, and claims she has cooler plans for prom night – anything from pedicures to church to a bizarre garbage truck incident. This sarcastic tirade hides her true feelings – a mix of hurt and anger over being rejected for prom.

Through it all, Juno tries to act indifferent, even cracking a joke about “keeping his virginity” under wraps. But the underlying hurt and anger simmer just below the surface, making her meltdown both funny and a little bit sad.

5. My Big Fat Greek Wedding

A monologue from the screen play by Nia Vardalos

Length: less than a minute

What’s it about? – Toula dives into a hilarious rant about her larger-than-life Greek family. We hear about epic battles over lamb brains between her dad and uncles, an aunt wielding an eyeball like a weapon (supposedly to make her smarter!), and the sheer overwhelming number of cousins – 27 first cousins alone! Privacy is a foreign concept in this family, with everyone constantly entangled in each other’s lives.

And let’s not forget the food – a never-ending feast that fuels their boisterous gatherings. Toula paints a picture of a family obsessed with food, each other, and, well, more food. She even throws in a playful jab at the Greek tradition of marrying within their ethnicity, all to create more loud, breeding Greek eaters!

6. Mean Girls

A monologue from the screenplay by Tina Fey (Based on the book by Rosalind Wiseman)

Length: Less than 1 minute for each

What’s it about? – This monologue is actually two separate speeches from the movie Mean Girls.

The first one is by Gretchen Wieners. She complains about the unfair social hierarchy in high school, comparing it to Julius Caesar and Brutus in Roman history. It’s funny because Gretchen completely misses the point, using a grand historical metaphor for teenage popularity.

The second speech is by Ms. Norbury, a teacher who delivers a harsh reality check to Regina George, the leader of the Plastics. Ms. Norbury warns Regina about her mean behavior and predicts a lonely future if she doesn’t change. The humor comes from the teacher’s bluntness, singling out students and bluntly telling them they haven’t peaked in terms of attractiveness (Annika) or are already past it (Karen).

7. Prey for Rock & Roll

A monologue from the screen play by Cheri Lovedog & Robin Whitehouse

Length: Less than 2 minutes

What’s it about? – Jacki unleashes a hilarious rant about her lifelong quest for rock and roll glory. Fueled by a life-altering Tina Turner concert in her dorky seventh-grade days, Jacki ditched dreams of teaching or nursing for the stage.

8. Clueless

A monologue from the screen play by Amy Heckerling

Length: less than 2 minutes each.

What’s it about?- Its actually 2 separate monologues.

In the first one, Cher comes to a crashing realization – she’s been totally clueless! Elton, Christian, and now Josh – all romantic blunders that culminate in this moment of self-discovery.

9. Something’s Gotta Give

A monologue from the screen play by Nancy Meyers

Length: 1 minute

What’s it about?- Zoe throws a spotlight on the frustrating reality of dating as a single older woman. She highlights the double standard between men and women.Zoe goes on to suggest that men, especially older ones, might feel threatened by accomplished and interesting women like them.The whole thing is like a laugh riot, really.

10. Freaky Friday

A monologue from the screen play by Heather Hatch

Length: Less than 1 minute.

What’s it about? – Anna’s monologue from Freaky Friday is a frustrated rant directed at her clueless teacher, Mr. Bates. She’s furious because he gave her a failing grade on an assignment she believes deserves a high mark. However, the real source of her anger is revealed when she connects the bad grade to a past event.

The monologue is both funny and revealing, showcasing Anna’s fiery personality and the awkward situation she finds herself in after switching bodies with her mom.


In conclusion, we hope this blog has helped you find the perfect comedic monologue for your next practice or performance. With a variety of options to choose from, have no doubt you will find something that suits your style and personality.

Remember to practice and have fun with it, but be careful not to burst into laughter while performing them lol, and if you need more comedic material, you can explore our monologue collection table 👇 or check out our acting blogs.

Let us know what you think in the comment section below….

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