Beautiful Girls – Monologue (Gina)

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A monologue from the screen play by Scott Rosenberg


I’m speaking to both you, okay, you’re both f***ing insane. You wanna know what your problem is? MTV, Playboys, and Madison f***ing Avenue. Yeah. Let me explain something to you. OK, look, girls with big t*ts have big a**es, girls with little t*ts have little a**es.

That’s the way it goes. God doesn’t f*** around, he’s a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful t*ts, and the skinnies little, tiny niddlers. If you don’t like it, call him. (entering store) Hey Mitch. Thank you. Oh guys, look what we have here.

(picking up Penthouse magazine and opening it) Look at this: your favorite. Oh, you like that? Yeah, that’s nice, right? Well, it doesn’t exist, okay? Look at the hair. The hair is long, it’s flowing, it’s like a river.

Well, it’s a f***ing weave, okay? And the t*ts. Please, I could hang my overcoat on them. T*ts, by design, are intended to be suckled by babies. Yeah, they’re purely functional. These are silcone city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis.

Pubic hair being so unruly and all. Very vain. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bullsh*t. Implants, calogen, plastics, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush sh-these are not real women, alright?

They’re beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered b**bs, hi Bob, our cellulite, seem somewhat inadequate. Well, I don’t buy it, alright?

What you f***ers, you think is that there’s a chance in hell that you’ll end up with one of these women you don’t give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It’s pathetic. I don’t know what you think you’re going to do.

You’re going to end up 80 years old, drooling in some nursing home, and then you’ll decide that it’s time to settle down, get married, have kids? What are you going to do: find a cheerleader? Charge it, Mitch.

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