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A monologue from the screenplay by Diablo Cody
Are you honestly and truly going to Prom with Katrina De Voort? Leah, just said that you were gonna go with her. Your mom must be pretty stoked that you’re not taking me. I’m not mad. I’m in a great mood.
I mean despite the fact that, well, I’m in a fat suit that I can’t take off and despite the fact that pretty much everyone’s makin’ fun of me behind my back. And despite the fact that you’re little girlfriend gave me the stink eye in our class yesterday.
Yeah… what you just take soupy sales to Prom. I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like you know what, Bleek? I might pumice my feet. Um… I might go to Brenstone Unitarian Church. Maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know?
Cause all those things would be exponentially cooler than going to Prom with you. Why? Cause I… got bored and had sex with you? And I didn’t want to like, marry you? Right… you just take Katrina in the douche packer to Prom.
I’m sure you two will have like, a real bitchin’ time. I still have your virginity. What are you ashamed that we did it? Because at least you don’t have to have the evidence under your sweater. I’m a planet.