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A monologue from the play by Catherine Weingarten
Jackie is at the Dress to Get Laid sex-themed party at her college and all she wants is to win over her male dancer friend, Alaska. Her best friend Monday has convinced her that the only way to get Alaska to date her is for them to have sex.
Now, Jackie and Alaska are both in Alaska’s room, but he has gone to use the bathroom. Jackie is having a moment and is finally able to process all the chaos of the party. She is telling Alaska how she feels, even though he’s not there.
Ugh I don’t know how to do this at all. I really um like you… I think, I mean just the way you talk not like you as a person, ya know? Mostly cause like you talk so normally and I find that really cool.
Like how did you even get here?? Like are you at the wrong school? Neva mind, I’m thinking too much. This party is relly cool! Like as a freshman and stuff I feel like honored cause like this party is for like people to like pursue me
and want to jump me and that sounds like fulfilling and stuff. Like it’s so crazy that upperclassmen have to wait till October for this party to like jump freshmen.
I know I’m wearing like something kinda normal and most girls are wearing like bras and cellophane and have hot men’s faces on their chests. I hope that’s ok. You know I think it’s really cool you’re a junior??
Llike I loved your slam poetry performance on the topic of marshmallows. So simple yet like kinda hot, ya know? Like who thinks about marshmallows that much, like I don’. I just like eat them.
Maybe I shouldn’t have come to this party. But Monday said it would be fun and important for women. And now I’m in your room, we’re in this room together alone, well you are in your bathroom right now-so the adjacent room.
Did you see downstairs there was like a pic of two chicks making out on the ceiling?? (Its all a little much.) F*** I think I’m crying, No wait I’m fine! I just have been taking this Meisner acting class for non-majors
and all you do is talk about your childhood and shit and it’s relly like opened me up and made me cry like all the time, pretty cool. I might leave…Should I be like on drugs or something to do this party right? Have I failed at living?
Like you seem all calm and stuff like all the time…I think I love you…I mean not you, like um the concept of you, like you’re worth crying about in Meisner. F*** I like you so much.
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