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A monologue from the play by Kristen Doherty
Okay so, I was on Insta right and saw Pete McIntire’s name online. I don’t know what possessed me, but I got brave and just wrote “Hi” … I know! … I can’t believe I did either…
Anyway, he writes back! Straight away, almost, and said “Hi Jeanie… How R U?” Just the letters R U… Ok pay attention to that because it becomes important later in the story… Ok?
So anyway, I wrote “Great!” but with an 8 instead of the letters… so like Grr and then the number 8. Because I thought that sounded cooler… and he just used RU…
Are you keeping up? Yes? Good! Because then he wrote “We should totally catch up and watch a movie or something!” Yes! He actually did.
I couldn’t believe the words that popped up on the screen. Pete McIntire asking me to hang out… and see a movie with him … In a dark cinema, where he could totally like want to kiss me or something.
And anyway, I was like you know… trying not to get too excited. Because this is Pete! Pete McIntire… So, I just like waited for like a whole minute, which was torture…
But I didn’t want to be too keen, so I was patient for like 65 agonising seconds… Then finally I wrote “Yeah I’m up for that”.
So, all casual like when I felt like screaming “Yes! Yes! Yes! I’ll have your baby Pete McIntire!” Anyway… Now this part is what I need your advice on…
Because now it gets confusing…. Ok, so he wrote. “I can ask Steven to come and you can ask Stace” Boo! Double date… Harder to get a pash when we have our besties in tow.
Anyway, I’m thinking “at least I will be on a date with Pete McIntire” … But then I thought “Does he mean a double date like as in ‘him and I’ and ‘Steven and Stacey?’
… Or a double date of ‘Steven and me’ and ‘him and Stacey?’ Does he like Stacey? … He’s never met Stacey… or has he? Are they secretly together?
I mean she would have told me, right?… She tells me everything… But then why would he call her Stace if they’ve never met?
Stace is a nickname and you only give people nicknames if you know them personally and generally like them… If you are friends… Or more than friends….
Do you think they are together, and Stacey hasn’t told me because she knows I am totally in love with him and have been for months?
Anyway, then it got really, really confusing because I said. “Sure I’ll ask her” I know! I showed so much restraint because I really wanted to scream at him “Are you cheating on me with my best friend?
… But I didn’t I just said “sure.” Then anyway, then he wrote “Thanks Jeannie, I love you.” What the actual…? I love you! Exclamation point.
Spelt out. ‘I L.O.V.E you.’ Not just ‘L.U.V’. That means something right? I mean it’s got to mean something! And this relates to the RU reference from earlier.
If he is the sort of guy to use letter abbreviations in his texting like RU, why would he use the actual word LOVE if he didn’t actually love me… Like for real?
Okay. Then it gets really, really complicated because he put one love heart emoji and one laughing crying emoji. Does the laughing crying emoji cancel out the love heart, or is it the other way around?
Because it changes the whole meaning if it does.
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