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A monologue from the book by Mark Twain
NOTE: This monologue is reprinted from Tom Sawyer Abroad. Mark Twain. London: Chatto & Windus, 1897.
It was a noble big balloon, and had wings and fans and all sorts of things, and wasn’t like any balloon you see in pictures. It was away out toward the edge of town,
in a vacant lot, corner of Twelfth street; and there was a big crowd around it, making fun of it, and making fun of the man, — a lean pale feller with that soft kind of moonlight in his eyes,
you know, — and they kept saying it wouldn’t go. It made him hot to hear them, and he would turn on them and shake his fist and say they was animals and blind,
but some day they would find they had stood face to face with one of the men that lifts up nations and makes civilizations, and was too dull to know it;
and right here on this spot their own children and grandchildren would build a monument to him that would outlast a thousand years, but his name would outlast the monument.
And then the crowd would burst out in a laugh again, and yell at him, and ask him what was his name before he was married, and what he would take to not do it,
and what was his sister’s cat’s grandmother’s name, and all the things that a crowd says when they’ve got hold of a feller that they see they can plague.
Well, some things they said WAS funny, I ain’t denying that, — but all the same it warn’t fair nor brave, all them people pitching on one, and they so glib and sharp, and him without any gift of talk to answer back with.
But, good land! what did he want to sass back for? You see, it couldn’t do him no good, and it was just nuts for them. They HAD him, you know. But that was his way.
I reckon he couldn’t help it. The part the professor was in was like a boat, and was big and roomy. We went aboard, and there was twenty people there, snooping around and examining, and old Nat Parsons was there, too.
The professor kept fussing around getting ready, and the people went ashore, drifting out one at a time, and old Nat he was the last. Of course it wouldn’t do to let him go out behind US.
We mustn’t budge till he was gone, so we could be last ourselves. But he was gone now, so it was time for us to follow. I heard a big shout, and turned around — the city was dropping from under us like a shot!
It made me sick all through, I was so scared. Jim turned gray and couldn’t say a word, and Tom didn’t say nothing, but looked excited. The city went on dropping down, and down, and down;
but we didn’t seem to be doing nothing but just hang in the air and stand still. The houses got smaller and smaller, and the city pulled itself together, closer and closer,
and the men and wagons got to looking like ants and bugs crawling around, and the streets like threads and cracks; and then it all kind of melted together,
and there wasn’t any city any more it was only a big scar on the earth, and it seemed to me a body could see up the river and down the river about a thousand miles, though of course it wasn’t so much.
By and by the earth was a ball — just a round ball, of a dull color, with shiny stripes wriggling and winding around over it, which was rivers.
The Widder Douglas always told me the earth was round like a ball, but I never took any stock in a lot of them superstitions o’ hers, and of course I paid no attention to that one,
because I could see myself that the world was the shape of a plate, and flat. I used to go up on the hill, and take a look around and prove it for myself,
because I reckon the best way to get a sure thing on a fact is to go and examine for yourself, and not take anybody’s say-so. But I had to give in now that the widder was right.
That is, she was right as to the rest of the world, but she warn’t right about the part our village is in; that part is the shape of a plate, and flat, I take my oath!