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A monologue from the novel by Gaston Leroux
NOTE: This monologue is reprinted from The Phantom of the Opera. Gaston Leroux. Indianapolis: Bobbs-Merrill, 1911.
ERIK
I am dying…of love…That is how it is…. I loved her so!…And I love her still…daroga…and I am dying of love for her,
I…I tell you!…If you knew how beautiful she was… when she let me kiss her…alive…It was the first…time, daroga,
the first…time I ever kissed a woman…. Yes, alive….I kissed her alive …and she looked as beautiful as if she had been dead! I kissed her just like that,
on her forehead… and she did not draw back her forehead from my lips!…Oh, she is a good girl!…She is a good, honest girl,
and she saved your life, daroga, at a moment when I would not have given twopence for your Persian skin.
As a matter of fact, nobody bothered about you. Why were you there with that little chap? You would have died as well as he!
My word, how she entreated me for her little chap! But I told her that, as she had turned the scorpion, she had, through that very fact,
and of her own free will, become engaged to me and that she did not need to have two men engaged to her, which was true enough.
As for you, you did not exist, you had ceased to exist, I tell you, and you were going to die with the other!…
Only, mark me, daroga, when you were yelling like the devil, because of the water, Christine came to me with her beautiful blue eyes wide open,
and swore to me, as she hoped to be saved, that she consented to be MY LIVING WIFE!… Until then, in the depths of her eyes, daroga,
I had always seen my dead wife; it was the first time I saw MY LIVING WIFE there. She was sincere, as she hoped to be saved.
She would not kill herself. It was a bargain…. It was understood that I was to take you both up to the surface of the earth.
When, at last, I cleared the Louis-Philippe room of you, I came back alone… Ah, you see, daroga, I couldn’t carry HIM up like that, at once. …
He was a hostage….But I could not keep him in the house on the lake, either, because of Christine; so I locked him up comfortably,
I chained him up nicely–a whiff of the Mazenderan scent had left him as limp as a rag–in the Communists’ dungeon,
which is in the most deserted and remote part of the Opera, below the fifth cellar, where no one ever comes, and where no one ever hears you.
Then I came back to Christine, she was waiting for me. Yes, she was waiting for me…waiting for me erect and alive,
a real, living bride…as she hoped to be saved….And, when I…came forward, more timid than…a little child, she did not run away…
no, no…she stayed…she waited for me….I even believe…daroga…that she put out her forehead…a little…
oh, not much…just a little… like a living bride…. And… and …I…kissed her!… I!…I!…I!…And she did not die!…
Oh, how good it is, daroga, to kiss somebody on the forehead!…You can’t tell!… But I! I!…My mother, daroga, my poor, unhappy mother would never …let me kiss her….
She used to run away…and throw me my mask! …Nor any other woman…ever, ever!…Ah, you can understand, my happiness was so great, I cried.
And I fell at her feet, crying …and I kissed her feet…her little feet…crying. You’re crying, too, daroga…and she cried also…the angel cried!…
Yes, daroga…I felt her tears flow on my forehead…on mine, mine!…They were soft…they were sweet!…
They trickled under my mask…they mingled with my tears in my eyes…yes …they flowed between my lips….
Listen, daroga, listen to what I did….I tore off my mask so as not to lose one of her tears…and she did not run away!…
And she did not die!… She remained alive, weeping over me, with me. We cried together! I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer!
Listen, daroga…listen to this….While I was at her feet…I heard her say, `Poor, unhappy Erik!’ … AND SHE TOOK MY HAND!…
I had become no more, you know, than a poor dog ready to die for her….I mean it, daroga!… I held in my hand a ring,
a plain gold ring which I had given her …which she had lost…and which I had found again… a wedding-ring, you know….
I slipped it into her little hand and said, `There!…Take it!…Take it for you…and him! …It shall be my wedding-present a present from your poor, unhappy Erik…..
I know you love the boy…don’t cry any more! …She asked me, in a very soft voice, what I meant….
Then I made her understand that, where she was concerned, I was only a poor dog, ready to die for her…
but that she could marry the young man when she pleased, because she had cried with me and mingled her tears with mine!…
