A monologue from the dialogues of Lucian. (Adapted for the stage by Baudelaire Jones)
NOTE: This monologue is reprinted with the author’s permission. All inquiries should be directed to the author at: firstname.lastname@example.org
You should be ashamed of yourself! Lord of the gods! Hah! Your behavior wouldn’t be proper even if you were some mortal peasant! You desert me, your lawful wife,
and go carousing with mortal women at all hours of the day and night with no consideration for my feelings! It’s not respectable! At least those sl*ts of yours remained on Earth, while you’ve brought this youth from Ida into my own house!
He actually lives with us! I have to pick up after him! Oh, I’ve seen how you take the cup from him! Everyone sees! It’s embarrassing! Even when you’re not thirsty!
After tasting, you hand the cup back and insist that he drink too, then you receive it again, all googly-eyed, making sure to take the remainder from the spot where the boy has placed his lips so you can drink and kiss at the same time in front of us all!
Do you really think we’re so dim-witted that we can’t see it?! And this morning, I actually witnessed you, the King and father of the universe, with that big beard you’ve grown, lay aside your aegis and thunderbolt to play a game of marbles with the boy!
You’ll take any excuse to get close to him, and don’t think that I don’t see it! Zeus, King of the Gods—a pedophile and a degenerate!