SCENE I. Windsor. Before PAGE’s house.
Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’
All his successors gone before him hath done’t; and
all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
man, and signifies love.
Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
riot; take your vizaments in that.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
and there is also another device in my prain, which
peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
Page, which is pretty virginity.
It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
death’s-bed–Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
–give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
peat the door for Master Page.
KnocksWhat, hoa! Got pless your house here!
Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to your likings.
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?–and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
If it be confessed, it is not redress’d: is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;
and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol.
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that
is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-
book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
as great discreetly as we can.
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say
‘marry trap’ with you, if you run the nuthook’s
humour on me; that is the very note of it.
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no
matter: I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again,
but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
if I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have
the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
we shall drink down all unkindness.
Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
Songs and Sonnets here.
Enter SIMPLEHow now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait
on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?
Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
you, pardon me; he’s a justice of peace in his
country, simple though I stand here.
But can you affection the ‘oman? Let us command to
know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
good will to the maid?
Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak
possitable, if you can carry her your desires
I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
married and have more occasion to know one another;
I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
but if you say, ‘Marry her,’ I will marry her; that
I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
the ort ‘dissolutely:’ the ort is, according to our
meaning, ‘resolutely:’ his meaning is good.
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
Exit SIMPLEA justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I
live like a poor gentleman born.
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and
dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot
abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
dogs bark so? be there bears i’ the town?
I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see
the bear loose, are you not?
That’s meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so
cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favored