The Departed – Monologue (Billy Costigan)

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A monologue from the screenplay by William Monahan

Billy Costigan

Look… look, I’m having panic attacks, alright? The other night I thought I was having a f***ing heart attack. I puked in a trash barrel on the way over here. I haven’t slept for f***ing weeks. 

Yeah, that’s true. Alright? I said it was f***ing true. I want some f***ing pills and you’re gonna what? You’re gonna close my file? Is that what you’re going to do? [angry]  I thought I was supposed to tell the truth here, if only f***ing here! Christ. 

I mean, a guy comes in here against every, every instinct of privacy and self-reliance he has and what do you do? What do you do, huh? You send him off on the street to score smack, is that what you do? You’re f***ing ridiculous!

[Madolyn hands Costigan some Valium] 

[picking up the pills]  Two pills? Great. Why don’t you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my f***ing head off! Are we done here with this psychiatry bullshit? 

What the f*** did I just put myself through? I’m f***ing out of here. And what if that was a legitimate threat? Think about it f***ing hotshot!

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