Stupid Is Just 4 2Day – Monologue (Trombone)

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A monologue from the play by Lindsay Price

Trombone (young male)

So I’m standing in front of the whole school. It’s some world environment, world recycling, some kind of save the world kind of day. I’m supposed to read a poem.

A save the world poem. I really hate save the world poems. The only reason I’m in the Environment Club to start with is because my parents said, “Join more clubs.

You’ll get into a better school if you look like you’re well-rounded.” 

They didn’t say I was well-rounded. I just have to look like I am. So, whatever. I’m in the Environment Club, but I hate the people in the Environment Club.

They’re very serious about the environment. It’s not a fun club. It’s very much a “the earth is dying” kind of club. Every day the earth is dying.

Every day. Which I know, we should be concerned about the earth. But couldn’t we be concerned AND eat pizza at the same time? Every once in a while?

But I’m a trooper. No one can say I don’t troop. So I start reading the stupid save the world poem. And I can see my friends out of the corner of my eye, off to the side. Laughing. 

I try to turn so I can’t see them. But I still hear them. I don’t want to be laughed at because my parents made me join the Environment Club. So I fart. Loudly.

Right in the middle of the poem. Right in the middle of the assembly. It’s a spectacular fart. One of my best. (pause) I’m not in the Environment Club any more.

Get the full play at theatrefolk.

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