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A monologue from the play by Kyle Sugarman & Michael Mitnick
Kyle has written a play which he thinks is a sure-fire hit. He is sending it off to “Broadway.” This is his cover letter.
Dear Broadway. My name is Kyle Sugarman. It is such a pleasure to meet you. I am currently a sophomore at Harold Ferguson Senior High School just outside Fort Collins, Colorado.
Home of the Mighty Panthers. I am an honors student. I have a three-six. I am also the playwriter of my enclosed play which I am enclosing here to send to you.
(He reaches into a plastic bag and pulls out a thick script. He smiles at the audience. He tosses the script onto the floor where it lands with a BANG. The script should be 350-502 pages. He raises his eyebrows as if to say, “Impressive, huh?”)
My play is named Spacebar. I am basically positive that you will find Spacebar to be the best play you’ve ever read. Spacebar is a story about HUMANITY.
I am 16 and don’t have an agent yet, but I ask that you please consider Spacebar like it was written by some of my favorite playwriters that do have incredible agents, like Neil Labute or Shakespeare.
My drama teacher, Mr. Ramirez, told me that I should include a brief description of my play in the cover letter which is what I’m about to do after this colon: (He pauses to indicate the colon.)
Let me clear something up right off the bat: Spacebar is not about the space key on the computer keyboard. Spacebar is about a bar in outer space.
AND. It takes place in the year nine-thousand-and-three. That’s right, Broadway, it’s set in the FUTURE.
You may be wonder- ing how I, Kyle Sugarman, know what the world will be like in the year ninethousand-and—three. And the truth is: I don’t.
And this is definitely something Mr. Ramirez and I wrestled with. That’s why I decided (and Mr. Ramirez agreed) that it would be a good idea to set Spacebar at a specific time in the Waaaaay Future.
A time that will make this play completely produceable for the next roughly seven thousand years. And I am not bragging. Sophocles wrote 2,000 years ago and we’re still doing his dumbass boring plays.
You’ll see that I attached my business card— (He holds up a business card.) Kyle Sugarman, Playwriter It has my personal home phone.
If a woman answers, it’s just my secretary. JK, Broadway. It’s my Mom. So, yeah, take a look when you have a chance. Give it a little looksee.
I’ll just be here in Fort Collins, Colorado. Waiting. Sincerely and best, Kyle Sugarman PS—Spacebar is copyrighted so don’t try any funny business!