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A monologue from the play by Rick Elice (based on the book by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson)
Wait a minute, wait a minute, I’m the leader, and I say we got some things. The leader has to be boy. It doesn’t matter how old you are!
This is Ted, but I call him Tubby, ‘cuz he’s food obsessed.
(to Ted) Yeah, you are! D’you write poems about pie? Hide beans in your blanket? Faint at the merest whisper of—(to Molly) get this— (back to Ted) sticky pudding? (watches Ted faint at the sound)
Like I said, food obsessed. I’m Prentiss. I’m in charge here. Don’t take him (about boy) personally. He’s rude to everybody. It’s why he gets beatings and why he’s got no friends.
He doesn’t have a name. Been orphan’d too long to remember. Grempkin calls him. . . mule! (laughs cruelly then grabs his stomach in hunger)
(to Molly) Ok, You can be like temporary leader—but only ‘til we eat.