A monologue from the play by Daniel MacIvor
You have no idea about me Agnes, you just have no idea. You think it’s all so easy for me but it’s not–it’s not. This is a life I have – a big life.
I’d like to see you try being a nun. People say awful things–they think worse things. And I have a heart you know–
I didn’t give up my heart when I took my vows. And yes indeed I do live in the world. In this big old awful sick mess of a world.
And my heart is filled with questions. Filled. Every time I look around at the world. And when I do look at it what I see it–no, what I don’t see is God.
You’ve got children killing children and half the world on drugs and the other half starving and people just letting it happen.
Where’s God in that? And I’m supposed to believe God is everywhere, in everything, in everyone–but sometimes I just don’t see him.
Imagine how that makes me feel–just as a person–as a person who made a decision and a promise to believe – to see God everywhere.
But where is he? Every day – every minute of every day I have to ask that question because of the choices I’ve made.
And you don’t think sometimes I don’t just feel like a fool? But I’ve got to keep believing and I’ve got to keep loving and giving and helping.
But it’s all such a mess and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to make things right. I don’t know how I got here.
There’s no room Agnes…I have no room for anyone else.