A monologue from the play by Duncan Macmillan
Look. Alright. Listen, you have to understand, alright, I’m thinking out loud here so please just let me talk, just let me think it through out loud.
Please, alright, don’t just jump in if I say something wrong or stupid, just let me think, okay. Because I’ve always wanted –
alright – and I’m talking in the abstract, I’ve always wanted, I’ve always had a sense or an idea of myself, always defined myself, okay, as a person who would.
That my purpose in life, that my function on this planet would be to. And not that I ever thought about it like that.
It’s only now because you’re asking – or not asking but mentioning. Starting the conversation. Only because of that,
that I’m now even thinking about it. But it’s always been sort of a given for me, an assumption ever since I was a little girl playing with dolls.
I mean long, long before I met you. It’s never been what I guess it should be which is a a a a a a an extension of an expression of,
you know, f***ing love or whatever. A coming together of two people. It’s always been this, alright – and this will sound stupid and naive.
But it’s always been an image, I guess, of myself with a bump and glowing in that motherly – or pushing a pram or a cot, or a mobile above it or singing to it.
Reading Beatrix Potter or Dr Seuss. I don’t care, never cared about it being a boy or a girl.
Just small and soft and adorable and with that milky head smell and the tiny socks and giggles and, yes, vomit even.
It’s all part of it. Looking after it. Caring for it. That’s, I think, the impulse. And there’s always been a father in the picture but sort of a blurring background generic man.
I’m sorry, it’s just this picture of my life I’ve always had since I was able to think and I’ve never questioned it. Never.