Impenetrable – Monologue (Cari)

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A monologue from the play by Mia McCullough

Cari is tagging along to the Starbucks and the spa with her mom. She’s geeky. She doesn’t have a lot of friends. She’s full of knowledge and excited which she doesn’t usually get to express.

She is talking to the audience, though this is probably more than she speaks to any of her classmates all day at school.

Cari (Ten)

I want to be a veterinarian at a zoo so that I can touch all the animals, even the large predators, well, ok, especially the large predators.

I mean, I’m pretty sure that when zoo veterinarians perform surgery on tigers and polar bears, they take a few minutes to rub their bellies, tickle their paws, maybe even kiss them on the nose while they’re sedated.

I also want to be a musician, probably the clarinet because you can play all kinds of music with the clarinet: classical, jazz, blues, folk.

It doesn’t have genre limitations like the saxophone or the harpsichord. I would like to go on record as saying that the harpsichord is my favorite instrument.

I think it’s what it would sound like if spiders played music on their webs. I also want to be an astronaut unless they start letting regular people go into space — for way less money, and a trapezist.

The circus performers on trapezes? But really, I should become an inventor because then I wouldn’t be limited to one field.

I could clone tigers so that they would never be extinct, and create musical instruments that you can hear in outer space, and invent an air freshener-type-device that emits a chemical that makes people nicer.

And then have it installed in every classroom in every school in the world. And the Senate. They already make something like that for dogs.