A monologue from the play by Daniel Guyton
GRETCHEN (early-twenties)
An angry young woman is arrested for murdering the man who raped her. Here, she confronts the prison guard who shows her pity.
Yeah I shot him. What’cha gonna do about it, huh? F***ing pig. F***ing woman-hating, v*ginaphobic son of a b*tch!
That sh*thead had it coming. Don’t look at me with those sad eyes! Those puppy dogs! Those droopy goopy cellophane!
What’cha gonna do about it huh? Feel sorry for me punk? F*** you! You g*ddamn pansy! Momma’s boy!
Sad sack loony tunes, probably can’t even please a woman, can ya?!? (She leans in seductively) Probably don’t even know what a p*ssy looks like. Do you?
If I showed you my mine, would you even know what to do with it? (She chuckles.) Yeah, I didn’t think so.
These bars can’t hold me in. These walls can’t shackle me. I am transcendental. I am existential! I am anti-matter, ectoplasm, plant destroying phytoplasm.
I will melt into the floorboards, delve into the ether, I will eat the ground beneath my feet, and swallow up asbestos.
I will rise up on the other side, a thousand times larger than I am right now, and I will cut you while you’re sleeping.
I will f*** your family, and I will eat your g*ddamn dog for dinner! That is—assuming that you have one. Do you have a dog there, Mr. Guard?
Mr. Doggy Guard? Or are you just a p*ssy man like I think you are? (Pause) Don’t even look at me. Don’t even breathe near me.
Every particle of air you spew is like a toxin. Every sound you make is . . . (She spits at him.) Just get away from me.
(She turns away.) Why don’t you leave me alone? (pause) I did what I had to do. What someone had to do. What my father should have done a million years ago—
I put that f***er down. Like the rabid b*tch he was. (She sits.) Why are you still looking at me? Sh*t.
(She wipes a tear from her eye.) Do you want a blow job? Is that…? (She shrugs.) Fine. Whatever. Bring it in here, buddy, I’ll suck you off.
Just like every other guy in the universe. ‘Just blow me and I’ll let you live.’ (Pause) Well, what the f*** are you waiting for?
I gave you an invitation, didn’t I?
