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A monologue from the screenplay by John Hughes
“The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could land in the doctor’s office.
That’s worse than school. What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, (confidentally) you lick your palms.
It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school. I did have a test today. That wasn’t bullshit. It’s on European socialism. I mean, really, what’s the point?
I’m not European, I don’t plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they’re socialist? They could be fascist anarchists – that still wouldn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car.
Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism – he should believe in himself.
I quote John Lennon: “I don’t believe in Beatles – I just believe in me.” A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus – I’d still have to bum rides off of people. “