A monologue from the tv series created by Sam Levinson
(S1 – E7)
The other thing about depression is it kind of collapses time. Suddenly, you find your whole days blending together to create one endless and suffocating loop.
So you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy. But slowly, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy.
And eventually, all you can think about is how life has always been this way.
And will only continue to be this way. I had a therapist once who said that these states will wax and wane.
Which gave my mother relief, because it meant that in the bad times, there would be good times.
But it also gave her anxiety because it meant that in the good times, there would be bad times.
It always confused me, because I didn’t really know what it meant. But it did sound a lot calmer than the way I would describe it.
Granted, I didn’t realize until later what waxing and waning implied. That these feelings were fixed and constant and would never end for the rest of my life.