A monologue from the tv series created by Sam Levinson
(S1 – E9)
I mean, there’s nothing else to say, you know? Except that I loved her. I trusted her. And when I look back at it, you know, just, it’s like she lied to me.
And, uh, manipulated me. Like the whole thing at the train station. Her trying to get me to run away with her,
even though I was, um, scared, and . . . didn’t have my medication . . . Just kind of f***ed up, and selfish. (beat)
I didn’t think she was actually gonna go. You know, like, leave me. (beat) It just kind of set something off in my head, you know?
Thinking about my whole life, how . . . people make all these f***ing promises. My mom kissing me on the forehead, and . . . telling me my dad’s gonna be all right.
And Jules talking about how we’re gonna live together when she goes off to college and sleep in the same bed, and be together forever.
And then she ditches me. ‘Cause she met another girl. Just . . . made me think about how everyone lies.
It’s not even the lies that hurt, you know? It’s the fact that you’re never really emotionally prepared for someone to leave you.
Just kind of messed up. And it just started, like, this avalanche of sh*t, about maybe I deserve it.
Maybe this is the universe’s punishment for me being a piece of sh*t my entire life. Stealing from my mom.
Hitting her in the face. (Rue lets out a big exhale. Then continues.) That’s what I’ve done, Ali. I have hit my mom in the face. (beat)
I picked up a piece of glass, and I pointed it at my mom and I threatened to kill her. (scoffs) That is some unforgivable shit.
Maybe I deserve to get my ass left at a train station at one A.M., you know?